Fifteen Minutes: Groovy Train: Presidential Folklore

Abraham Lincoln built and lived in his own log cabin. When accused of being two-faced by Stephen Douglas, he replied, iIf I had another face, do you think I would wear this one?i

William H. Taft was incredibly obese. A custom bathtub had to be installed in the White House with a crane because he got stuck in the original. Cabinet members thus dubbed him iTubbyi.

Herbert Hoover often worked in the nude. His advisors learned to knock before entering the Oval Office.

FDR was involved in numerous affairs, despite being confined to a wheelchair. The media had an unspoken agreement never to photograph the presidentis legs while in coitus.

William Henry Harrison gave the longest inaugural speech ever in the bitter cold. A few months later he died of pneumonia, after serving the shortest term in presidential history.

William J. Clinton placed a cigar in a womanis vagina, then placed the afore-mentioned vaginally inserted cigar in his mouth. The woman was not his wife.

George Washington chopped down his fatheris cherry tree, threw a silver dollar clear across the Potomac River, and had a nasty case of the pox - otherwise known as syphilis.

The tensest moment in John F. Kennedyis administration was brought on by Hollywood, not Mother Russia. Encroached upon by Marilyn Monroe, JFK found that he had a Cuban Missile Crisis...in his pants.

Richard M. Nixon harbored an intense hatred of the porn industry. iThat eDeep Throati bitch ruined my life,i growled Nixon before he died.

Lyndon B. Johnson loved the beverage Fresca so much that he had a dispenser installed in the Oval Office which could be operated at his desk. His Cabinet staged an ill-advised prank, spiking the dispenser with an experimental energy drink, resulting in the Vietnam War.

John Quincy Adams liked to skinny-dip in the Potomac.

Grover Cleveland was arrested for riding his bear too fast in Congress. After refusing to kill the beast, he was fined twenty dollars and thirty hours of community service. Cleveland served out his sentence and subsequently had a candy bar named in his honor.

Warren G. Harding often ridiculed Woodrow Wilson after his debilitating stroke. iLetis see him articulate his fourteen points without the use of the right side of his body,i quipped Warren G.

James Buchanaan was obsessed with his own tiny feet.