'Poon Installs Fake Ibis

For the past two weeks, passersby near 44 Bow St. may have noticed a large, copper bird sporting pince-nez spectacles on its beak nesting atop the Lampoon castle.

Harvard bird watching has been spotty since October of 1996 when unknown pranksters stole the Ibis from the roof of the Lampoon, a semi-secret Sorrento Square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine.

The Ibis, the embodiment of Poonster pride, plays a crucial role in the ongoing Crimson-Lampoon rivalry, which began with a parody of The Crimson in 1901.

Lampoon President Matthew C. Warburton '00 maintained that the bird overlooking the castle is the one that disappeared over three years ago.

"The police told us not to give any comment about the recovery as the investigation is still ongoing," Warburton said.

Although Lampoon Trustee Thomas W. Beale '71initially stuck to this story, he admitted that graduates felt they were never going to recover the Ibis.

The Lampoon suspected The Crimson at first, but more time has passed than ever before in the rivalry without a hint from The Crimson.

"We think it was really stolen. The Crimson would take an obnoxious picture of it and then we would make up," Beale said. "But it never appeared again."

When confronted with this statement, Warburton said the only thing different about the statue is that it has been "refurbished."

Crimson President Joshua H. Simon '00 said The Crimson's official response to inquiries about the Ibis' whereabouts is "no comment."

He revealed that the newspaper staff had been aware that the Lampoon was installing a figurine and is certain the Ibis is new.

Like the American people with New Coke, The Crimson has no intentions of treating it like the real thing.

"THC does not officially recognize the new Ibis," he said. "We won't waste our time pulling any pranks on it."

Simon also revealed a little known fact about the "humor" magazine's bird.

"If you peel off the outer layer, it's chocolate on the inside," Simon said.

Simon's days dealing with the Ibis are numbered, as he will pass over his secret Crimson knowledge to the new president at the end of the month.

"I can't wait for Alan [E. Wirzbicki '01, incoming Crimson president] to take over because I'm tired of having the real Ibis cram up my common room," Simon added. "It's a nice display piece, but it clashes with my other accoutrements."

Simon's room has an entertainment-themed interior design, including posters for Revenge of The Nerds, Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise and Just One of the Boys as well as several books detailing Hanson's rise to fame.

Crimson editors have been stealing the Ibis since 1941 to take it to strange places around the world.

Over half a century into the prank war, Crimson President Michael Maccoby '54 and Managing Editor George S. Abrams '54 upped the ante by presenting the bird to a member of the United Nations Russian delegation. They asked that the Ibis be placed on a spire on Moscow University, making it one of the most famous college pranks in history.