GETTING A PIECE

Everyone Wants in. Too bad it was only 2,055 of you this year. The geniuses over at the Harvard Coop (rhymes with "soup") have an idea: Tchotckes! Here are the top 10 ways to share your glory with the ones you love.

10. Harvard Potpourri for your ex-boyfriend who can't quite get the seweresque New Haven stench out of the gutter that Yale tricked him into calling home.

9. A Harvard University piggy bank for your two-year old brother, who will have to foot his own bill after your parents decide that your special concentration in "The Cultural Implications of Fried Dough" was not the wisest investment of their $150,000.

8. Harvard University designer gift wrap paper for the gift that keeps on gloating.

7. A Harvard business card holder for your neighbor Chester, the crossing guard. Hmmm...better get him some business cards while you're at it.

6. Harvard commemorative chocolates for large Aunt Marge. We're not sure what they'll commemorate, but they'll do it in your mouth, not in your hands.

5. The Harvard University license plate cover for the family car because somebody might miss the 17 stickers already plastered on its windows.

4. The clay replica of Widener Library for your dim-witted nympho cousin who will rack her brain when told that every Harvard student has sex inside it before graduation.

3. The Harvard green marble pyramid: "What the hell is this? Awww, someone'll like it."

2. The Harvard University sports bra for your voluptuous best friend, Bustie Laroo. Harvard's $13 billion name will support even her endowment.

1. The Harvard University flask: While you're buying a gift for everyone else, treat yourself! Besides, sometimes lecture can get a little dry.