Obituary

Fifteen Minutes regrets to inform the general public of a tragic accident which has befallen two magazine staff writers. On Saturday, Feb. 27, 1999, Ginnie and Russell Independence of Colorado Springs, Colo. were found dead on a mountain in Lake Placid, N.Y. Sources inform FM that Mr. and Mrs. Independence suffered fatal injuries as a result of skiing while under the influence of alcohol. The coroner's report found concentrations of the following substances in the blood of the two victims:

12 eggs, separated

1 1/2 cups superfine sugar

cracked ice

1 quart heavy cream

1 quart milk

1 quart bourbon

nutmeg

Friends of the couple have informed FM that

the drink was called "Rus's Killer Nog." (FM is currently accepting applications for the position of Winter Visionary.)