FRONT AND CENTER

The Undergraduate Council wants a student center. They've even earmarked a good $25,000 of last year's found funds to go towards its creation. But for once, the council's not just huffing and puffing its own air--the student on the street wants the center too. She wants office space, he wants bigscreen TVs, and, goshdarnit, they want a place to party! While FM supports these demands (and oh-so-many more), we'd like to suggest the following community-friendly additions to the plan. . jukebox to muffle the sounds of Kroks, Pitches, Callbacks and the like . tanning booth for pasty New Englanders . posturepedic settees to soothe RSI victims . stacks of undelivered FMs . Clinique consultants on call for Cabot library moles . merry-go-round for Crimson Keyers . C'est Mal, a Room 13-sponsored coffee bar

FM would also appreciate: . two-way mirrors . inflatable Moonwalk . inflatable e-mail kiosks . inflatable ping pong table . red line T stop . shrinky-dinks station, complete with stove . Lester Lanin . astroturf . petting zoo . jumbo floor-mat keyboard . lasers, all kinds . methadone

Should the administration bemoan a lack of space, they're lying. Here follow five expendable sites: . Harvard information Booth, Holyoke Center's tourist mecca . Currier, source of blocking terror . Canaday Hall, Yard eyesore . the Porc, clearly University property . Lamont Library, current student social center