THE FACULTY

THE FACULTY

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Starring Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett,

Jordana Brewster, Robert Patrick

As a general rule, I don't see horror movies. Too many bad experiences with films like the oh-too-cheesy Nightmare on Elm Street or the genuinely nightmare-inducing Scream have left a bad taste in my mouth. When bad taste strikes, however, there's nothing like The Faculty's group of water-loving, body-snatching aliens to wash away that not-so-fresh feeling.

Starting with the school's already frightening football coach (Terminator 2's Robert Patrick), a horde of alien parasites rapidly takes over the faculty of a small town high school in Midwestern America. The fun doesn't stop there, of course; these aliens have dreams of world domination--after all the teachers have been "commuted" it's time to conquer the student body. When an alien-possessed history teacher tells his class that today's exam will consist of "writing down the names of all your living relatives," audience members have a sneaking suspicion that these relatives won't be human (or "living") too much longer.

When things get too weird, a small crew of angst-ridden teenagers steps in to save the day. There's Stan, the wannabe intellectual football captain; Stokely, the grungy science fiction-reading loner; Zeke, the brilliant drug-dealing second-year senior; Delilah, the self loathing head cheerleader; Marybeth, the annoyingly innocent new girl; and finally the outcast Casey, played by Elijah Wood, who's a bit too cute for his supposedly nerdy character. Relying on Stokely's knowledge of science fiction--"if you kill the queen, everything will go back to normal... in theory"--this mismatched group of teens plots to destroy the invaders.

Luckily for them, they quickly discover that Zeke's homemade drugs (consisting mostly of water-absorbing caffeine pills) can suck all the life out of these extremely hydrophilic aliens. This leads to a hilarious yet gripping scene in which the teens must take turns snorting the drug to prove they are not possessed by the aliens.

Unfortunately, the drug is in short supply, and most of it is used up in combatting Principal Drake (a delightfully bitchy Bebe Neuwirth) who quips, "you kids are going to be in very big trouble." At this point, with tension building and constant doubts about who's really human, we discover that The Faculty is actually a very good movie. There's nothing predictable about this horror flick, despite frequent and obvious references to other classics of the genre. In between scenes of self-consciously kitschy humor and a few really good scares, the audience is caught up in the plot, nervously wondering who'll be next.

Best of all, this movie causes no nightmares. Don't get me wrong--there are enough adrenaline pumping, seat-gripping moments in this film to satisfy anyone looking for a scare. As fun as these horror scenes are, however, the real entertainment of The Faculty lies in its selfmocking humor. In one deliciously droll scene, the entire faculty, possessed by those very, very thirsty aliens, sits in the teacher's lounge drinking down coolers full of water in slow motion.

So, push aside all your anti-horror prejudices, and go see The Faculty. Just don't forget to keep an eye out for anyone who seems just a little bit too thirsty.