Fifteen Minutes: In The Bathroom With B.J.: An Interview With The Delta Stow-away

Fifteen Minutes: What was your first instinct when ambling onto the plane sans ticket?

B.J. Averell: I had a ticket.

FM: Ok, so why the bathroom?

BA: When nature calls, you gotta answer. Speaking of which, I gotta use the bathroom right now.

FM: You were in there for quite a while, B.J. What do you think?

BA: Of their bathroom? It's kind of weird because there's a mirror facing you when you use the toliet, which you don't really need to see. It smells really good in there. The Hasty Pudding bathroom is perhaps the best smelling bathroom I've used in some time.

FM: So how does this bathroom compare to the one on the plane?

BA: There was more pressure for me to get out of the one on the plane.

FM: How long were you in the bathroom on the plane?

BA: Just a couple of minutes, Eastern Standard Bathroom time.

FM: So it wasn't unusual that you were in the bathroom, if it was only a couple of minutes.

BA: I think it would be unusual to go a day without using the bathroom; that's what I think.

FM: What did you do when you were in there--sit down or stand up?

BA: What goes on in the bathroom stays in the bathroom.

FM: So do you enjoy going to the bathroom, let's say in your dorm room in Dunster?

BA: Except when we run out of toilet paper. Then it becomes an adventure.

FM: Do you notice a difference in bathroom caliber between upperclass houses and freshman dorms?

BA: Upperclass bathrooms are more secure because you have to go through your room to get to them. I have a friend who was taking a shower last year in a freshman dorm when she saw a pair of feet underneath the shower curtain. And the curtain was opened by a naked man who said hello and introduced himself to her. Needless to say, these are not optimal bathroom conditions.

FM: So you're not a fan of communal bathrooms?

BA: The less people that use a bathroom the better.

FM: Have you ever used the bathroom in the Grille?

BA: No. I think I looked inside one time. It was kind of sketchy.

FM: So you never break the seal in a bar?

BA: I did not inhale alcohol on the night in question.

FM: If there was one bathroom in the Square that you could use at any time, which one would it be?

BA: That's a tough one. Which one would you use?

FM: I like the one in Grafton. Maybe yours though. What about you?

BA: Come on now, you've never been in my bathroom, have you?

FM: No, but now your bathroom has a kind of mystique--a kind of danger.

BA: The one in my dorm you mean?

FM: Yeah.

BA: Whatever.

FM: So one more question: If you had to do it all over again, would you do anything differently?

BA: I wouldn't have gone in the bathroom. This whole thing has gotten out of hand. It has to be stopped, and I'm the one whose gonna stop it. Could we start again please?

FM: Where do you want me to start?

BA: You can start by telling everyone to try the Hasty Pudding bathroom when they come to see me in the show "Crazy For You" this weekend and next.

FM: Thanks, B.J. It's always a pleasure.

BA: The pleasure, I assure you, is all mine.

--JENNIFER Y. HYMAN