Fifteen Minutes: Absurdity in Annenberg

Ever feel like your lunch was just a little too long or your dinner dragged on into the twilight hours? I have. Last week, I spent 10 hours one day in Annenberg to get to the bottom of the mystery of the stained-glass behemoth that is the freshman dining hall. Below, the minute-by-minute log of my day:

7:30 A.M.: Enter a surprisingly active Annenberg. Get glazed donut and glass of water. Sit with two anonymous girls. Both agree that Annenberg could use some improvements. One says, "I'm not too pleased with this thing [her bagel] this morning." The other suggests, "They should get real bread--the type that comes in plastic bags."

8:14: Count the archways between door and card-swiper: 11.

8:16: Guy enters Annenberg in jacket and tie, walking quickly. Probably important.

8:21: Walk over to counter left of vegetarian counter. Ask woman behind counter what is malted about the malted Belgian waffles. She looks confused, goes to the back, asks cook, returns: "Yeah, there's malt in it." We both smile.

8:25: Strolling through the food area, I notice for first time the humongous glass jar of Fruit Loops above the soup and pasta counter. Briefly intrigued.

8:26: Notice for first time red sign right of grilled counter that names each day's managers. Today's: Kay D'Andria and Ethel Pugh.

8:40: Annenberg begins to bustle.

8:41: Guy at table next to me notes that girl across from him is "like really perky" for so early in the morning.

8:50: Hot. Take sweatshirt off.

8:52: Move to table behind me and sit with Rodney Yeh '03, who is eating Apple Jacks with Fruit Loops. He complains, "They mixed it up--it's supposed to be honey nut." "That sucks," I commiserate. He nods.

9-9:02: Woman replaces full salt and pepper shakers. I say, "That was kind of weird." Yeh nods. Students clear out for 9 a.m. classes.

9:06: Annenberg nearly empty.

9:10-9:14: Sunlight streams in through stained glass windows. Contemplate whether or not a plant could subsist only on the sunlight that comes into Annenberg. Fail to arrive at definite conclusion.

9:15: Girl bussing tray gives me dirty look.

9:36: Sit with Julia Jarcho `03 and Melia Marden `03. Marden has a Greek midterm at 10 a.m. and thinks it's important to eat a full meal beforehand. "You have to eat or else your stomach is all growly and you can't concentrate," she reasons. Jarcho disagrees but still sports a full tray of edibles, explaining, "I couldn't resist the food." "You eat muffins?" I ask her. "No, never," Jarcho says. I point to a muffin on her tray, and ask, "But that is a muffin?" "Yes."

10:01: A little chilly. Put sweatshirt on.

10:02: Workers close back door to food area.

10:05: Go into food area and ask man filling punch bowl why the back door to this zone is closed. "Cause that's the rules," he explains.

10:07: Student sits with me. "I was walking around there getting a cup of coffee and y'know that little lady who's always walking around there?" he asks. "She walks over with a plastic cup to the coffee area and pours hot water in it, swirls it and pours it out. I realize this food service woman doesn't trust the cleanliness of her own dishes. She has to give it a warm water bath." Does that bother him? "No, it's not my fault that she's crazy."

10:10: Sit down with Harry Kimball `03.

10:20: Sun illuminates Dante's stained glass portrait. Contemplate possible religious significance.

10:25: Hungry. Get bagel, grapefruit and glass of water. Spill water on my way back to table.

10:27-10:30: Eat grapefruit with limited success.

10:32: Preparations for lunch begin. Woman cleans basic foods table; red ladder mysteriously appears and then disappears from back of Annenberg.

10:50: Kimball and I play table baseball with a saltshaker. Kimball wins on a solo shot in extra innings. Box score:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

H 0 3 0 0 0 0 0 2 0 1

J 0 2 0 0 0 3 0 0 0 0

11:01-11:03: I bus tray. Conveyor belt is nearly empty. Put sweatshirt on and move to back of Annenberg.

11:05: Notice that food service women are all eating lunch at back right of Annenberg. Man in chef's hat sits with them. Suspect he's a chef.

11:07: There are 13 students in Annenberg including me.

11:09: 10.

11:10: Six chefs eat, scattered throughout Annenberg. Visually interesting.

11:13: Four students.

11:20: Three students. Woman with wheeled cart starts from back, begins straightening chairs and washing tabletops.

11:24: She comes to my table, sees me resting my head on the table, smiles, seems amused by my presence.

11:25: Two students.

11:26: One student--me. Second to last student waves to me when he leaves. Can't tell if it's a wave of admiration or pity.

11:35: Lunch begins--stream of students line up to swipe in.

11:40: Begin to see same people for second time. Feel sad and lonely.

12 p.m.: Domna takes over swiping duties.

12:12: Fly lands on my chicken breast. Shoo it away.

12:49: Sit with Tim Schneider `03. He's eating a "bold double-decker chickwich." He expatiates, "I experiment with my chickwich, sometimes ranch, sometimes barbeque, spaghetti sauce and cheese--the chicken Parmesan chickwich. Schneider later adds, "I think me and Domna are friends. We're on a first name basis." "She knows your name?" I ask. "Well, I know hers," he says.

1:17: Almost spill Coke on myself.

1:31: Ask Domna how to say "tater-tot" in Greek, confusing and embarrassing us both.

2:15: Close doors to food area.

2:45: Wander in when cleaning food area--odd convention of workers talking and cleaning with all lights on. "We're closed buddy," man tells me from behind the counter.

3:02: In sudden, desperate need of fresh air. Exit through back and stand outside for a few minutes. Realize soon after that door is locked. Pound on front door to no avail.

3:04: Continue pounding on door. Still nothing.

3:05: Weep quietly. Retreat from venue. Nap.

5:00: Back with a vengeance.

5:07: Get pasta with tomato sauce, brisket, cake, cranberry juice. Sit with Geoffrey Stevens `03.

5:12: As Stevens notes, "The brisket just ain't happening tonight."

5:24: Take sweatshirt off.

5:36: Sit with Elizabeth Glynn `03 and Ezekiel Reich `03. "What are you eating?" I ask Glynn. With an exasperated expression, she says, "I don't know--sketchy vegan food."

5:50: Looking at Reich's platter, I note, "Looks pretty extravagant." Reich explains, "Yeah, well, I'm a fiesta."

5:51: Neck strained, possibly related to bad brisket.

6:21: CityStep dancers promoting the ball shake floor. Neck pain aggravated.

7:10: Put on sweatshirt.

7:12-7:14: Anticipate closing of doors. Hatch plan to set off alarm to John Adams statue as I leave, as a final, defiant act against Annenberg.

7:16: Doors to food area close. Get up, bus tray, walk to statue, try to set off alarm but can't. It's somehow fitting. Grumbling, I exit Annenberg.