Interracial Dating

Several students who are, or have been, involved in relationships with people of another race say that Harvard has a tolerant environment compared to other places.

"I do feel Harvard is very tolerant of mixed-race dating," says A. Maximo Cuellar '00, who is Catholic and Mexican but has been going out with a white American Jewish woman for four years.

Robyn Sackeyfio '00, a Mather House resident, says that people are much more tolerant of interracial dating at Harvard than at her high school in a predominantly white suburb of Detroit.

"People let you do whatever you want," Sackeyfio says, adding that no one here cares because no one at Harvard really dates anyway.

Stephanie N. Ajudua '00, a Kirkland House resident, says that students at Harvard act surprised by interracial dating.

"It's not as liberal as you think it is," Ajudua says.

Many students questioned about interracial dating say they focus on personality rather than race.

"I want to marry who I love, and I don't really want to care about race," says Ruben Marinelarena '02. "I really don't care about race," he adds.

"Race is an important thing in dating, but the more important thing is what the person is inside, as opposed to their skin color," adds Isaac J. Weiler '02.

The biggest problem of interracial dating, students say, is gaining acceptance from family members or those back home.

Sackeyfio, whose father is Ghanaian and whose mother is Scottish, says that she was subject to a lot of harassment in high school because she had two white boyfriends at different times.

"The black kids all made fun of me and harassed me," she says.

Maya Sen '00, whose mother is Mexican and whose father is Indian, says she encountered a problem her freshman year in high school, when she was going out with a white boy in Indiana.

"He didn't want to introduce me to his grandparents," she says.

Sen ended up breaking up with the guy.

"I couldn't be with someone who couldn't accept my background," she says.

Pressure from family to date or marry someone of the same race is also influential.

Though Marinelarena says he doesn't care about race, he acknowledges that it's in the back of his mind.

"Bring home a Latina woman," his parents say.

Cuellar says that one has to be "progressive" to be in an interracial relationship long-term.

"I think it definitely gets more challenging as time goes on," he says.

Cuellar says he fasted with his girlfriend last Yom Kippur, though ironically his three Jewish roommates did not.

"Solidarity goes a long way," he says.

Despite the difficulties of interracial dating, however, Cuellar says that it is ultimately rewarding.

"It's a cool thing to get to know a whole new set of the population in some way."

Nevertheless, interracial dating, like dating within one's own race, are both disappointing at Harvard.

"Dating at Harvard sucks," Ajudua says.

--Edward B. Colby