Skirting By

Marge, you being a cop makes you the man...which makes me the woman. I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear (which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing). --Homer Simpson

Here's a little item out of local news: a group of four high school students in my native Connecticut was suspended from Middletown High School last week after showing up for school in dresses and skirts. One Bryan Giles had been previously suspended for his choice of attire, and a group of his friends all cross-dressed to protest; they were consequently given three-day suspensions and told to change into something a little more respectable.

It wasn't long ago that women who wore pants to school would have been treated the same way. Now women can be seen peaceably wearing whatever they please, from ties to army fatigues to just about anything else. (The women who dressed in suits in Giles' protest were not suspended.)

But men, pity us, are still in the dark ages of fashion law: wear something as innocuous as a nice print skirt, and you're liable to be castigated by your school, your friends, even your family. Reading about the plight of poor Bryan Giles and his friends, my memory started drifting back to my senior year of high school, when I last wore women's clothing to school.

I'm a heterosexual who derives endless amusement from the lengths to which some men will go to avoid appearing even faintly effeminate, which of course is wrongly equated with big, bad homosexuality. We've all seen the momentary panic in the eyes of a man who just admitted he liked "Bambi," or heard the hasty recantations of one whose last statement might possibly be construed as somehow something that a woman would say. I think that's hilarious--not that I never do the same thing. I and a few friends once wore pantyhose to school after some guys on our swim team refused to shave their legs for a championship meet, victims of the same ingrained homophobia and fear of femininity. I can't remember the logic behind it, but we were sure that by doing so we'd shame them into shaving.

So we went to our local equivalent of Hubba-Hubba and looked for the most flamboyant pantyhose we could find, settling on a black-and-white checked pattern that could have come from a "Magic Eye" book. The reaction at school the next day was fairly predictable. Some people giggled, some gaped, some ignored us, some whispered unprintable words under their breath. The mission was a complete failure, and my teammates' leg hairs remained unshorn. Despite the build-up I've given it, my experience in the world of transvestitism was pretty much a non-event.

And that's the way it should be. The people who care the least about males cross-dressing are women (I received some helpful fashion advice at school that day); those who care most are insecure men. The behavior of school officials like those at Giles' school is puzzling; what are they afraid of? Giles' superintendent argued that wearing drag to school was disruptive. It's only disruptive as long as this irrational hang-up continues.

I don't know why Bryan Giles wore a skirt to school. I can't even remember why I did. The point is, there shouldn't have to be a reason. Battling against those who wish to cross-dress is unproductive and senseless. It's fashionable these days to be libertarian about most social issues; there's no reason not to be libertarian about fashion.

Luckily for would-be male cross-dressers everywhere, courageous male authority figures like Rudy Giuliani have condoned transvestitism from the moral pulpit of elected office. Giuliani's appearance last March could be the watershed in the popular acceptance of male cross-dressing. That's not to say I expect to see Marty in a dress for the next Ec10 lecture (though I dare him to); rather, opposition to cross-dressing in schools and elsewhere should, and I think will, dissipate.

When you started reading this, you might have thought it had something to do with Gaypril, the Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender and Supporters Alliance's month-long celebration of queer culture. It doesn't, or at least it shouldn't. Treating cross-dressing as a strictly homosexual issue is falling into the same trap as my homophobic teammates; after all, there are plenty of heterosexual females wearing men's clothing in public. Ann Landers has advised teary wives that there isn't necessarily anything wrong with the secret lingerie in their husband's dresser. And she's right. Male cross-dressing should be as much a non-issue as female cross-dressing.