dear dr. know

Dr. Know,

You are so busted for not running in PM anymore: Especially now that every-body knows that you are not a grown woman from Iowa! What a crock of shit! We all know who you are, know, Face the music!

Ms. Keen in Quincy

Dr. Ms. Keen,

After an extended shopping spree in Paris and Milan, Dr. K doesn't need to hear the bratty blather of a Har-void like yourself. The fact of the matter is that Dr. K has been on special assignment. It strikes me as hardly surprising that some wannabe would imposture the lovely and charming D.K. (not to be confused with Donna Karan) so get a clue and as Rene my charming French stylist would say, "Nique -toi"

Dr. Dr. Know,

I was away this holiday-I went home. what was the buzz this weekend? I missed it.

Trendy Tom

Dear Trendy Tom,

For all the Christians, the hot spot this Sunday was Trinity Church, Boston. Dozens of the Harv-peeps made their appearances in Copley. From slick pin-stripped undergrads to lavender-draped Fine Arts profs, the holy space was crawling with the bee-like insects (what do you call them?)

Anyway, the Christmas and Easter crowd turned the ringers off their cell phones and sat through the 90 minute ordeal. Don't worry, the cuff-linked Ivy crowd didn't throw all their $50 into the collection plate. They had plenty dough left over for a little post-worship shoppin' courtesy of Newbury Street.

Dear Dr. Know,

Give me the 411 on Sex class. I hear some crazy stuff goes in that jumbo core class. Catch me up.

Wondering in Winthrop

Dear Wondering,

Beside the hoop-la about Hauser getting tenure (big deal!!) the big stink is about the lecture he gave this Monday. Professor Hauser talked about the minimal effects of marijuana on the brain. He cited an experiment where a spider was given marijuana and the results were such that the spider missed a loop in its web. Bad Boy Hauser concluded, "whatever!" A little later on, Hauser told the crowd of his familiarity with the erotic product store Hubba Hubba. This professional suspects that once a man gets tenure, there's no telling what will happen. Dr. Know suggests Professor Hauser's new nickname be "Marky Mark." Just hope he keeps his trousers on.

Dear Dr. Know,

You don't know me but I know you, In fact, I saw two weekends ago in New York. I was trying to get into all the big post-fashion show parties but couldn't get in anywhere. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw you get ushered behind a barricade of velvet ropes in the East Village. Was it you?

Party Reject

Dear Party Reject

Yes indeedy, that was your good friend Dr. K Flashing smiles and working her. little tush to get into the hottest parties in the city. Since Dr. K Knows you itch with curiosity, she'll fill you in. The scene this Spring was triumphant com-pared to the miserable post-fashion party scene this November. But the rebirth was may be a bit too much. Even hard core party girls like Dr. Know couldn't move fast enough-there were simply too many parties! Last weekend, new venues like 2 seven 7, Moomba, Lot 61 , Bondst, Veruka and Odeca Li's tried to make a name for themselves by hosting the fashionistas. But while Dr. K enjoyed checking out the virile new stock, the old stand-by's couldn't be ignored. Weary from her shopping trip to Europe, Dr. K could hardly rest her Manolo Blahnik sling-back clad feet. After all, Indochine, 147, The Four Seasons, Life and the Soho Grand were calling. Oy stress! While Dr. K certainly made the rounds, she skipped over the get together at Flamingo East. Good thing too because rumor has it that the Visionaire event hosted by Gucci goon Tom Ford was a total flop-o-la! All in all, Dr. Know had a tip top time in NYC and a hangover to put in the record books. It's nice to be back in sleepy Crambridge with all you kids.

Write to Dr. Know by sending an email to fm@thecrimson.harvard.edu