More Than Three Lies

We've all seen them. Whether in front of the Science Center or on the steps of Widener Library, the sight of an admissions tour is unmistakable. High school seniors sporting their letter-jackets huddle in a tight bunch. Safety in numbers, this is the herd mentality at its best. Shepherding this wayward group of timid visitors is a vibrant, artificially happy member of the Crimson Key Society. Like people following the chosen one, this microcosm of adolescent fear and dreams migrates across campus to the call of its leader.

This year, as a Yard resident, I have had ample opportunity to observe this phenomenon. When passing by I can't help but listen in, and some of the things I've heard are worth sharing. On my way to Bio I passed a tour in the Science Center and heard (probably while trying to get my study-card signed) a snippet about "Harvard's wonderful advising system." Another time while passing a tour at its Hollis Hall stop I heard that "All freshman live in the Yard." (My friend in Greenough had some choice words for that one.) Wondering what I've been missing all this time, I decided to take an admissions tour and find out.

Of course, I had to attend incognito. Had the rest of the group realized that I wasn't one of them, group dynamics would have changed faster than the Harvard Police blotter. This meant that I couldn't go on a weekday--friends might wave and ruin my anonymity. This left Saturday as the only option. So early one Saturday morning I put on my jeans and an old sweatshirt, and did my best to look "high school."

Our tour guide, let's call her Julie, met us on the steps of Byerly Hall. About 10 students and an equal number of parents had already arrived. The first stop was Radcliffe Yard. After a friendly introduction, we learned about the history of Radcliffe, and how it had been integrated with Harvard in the past 50 years. The first question was asked by a parent. She wanted to know, much to the visible disappointment of her daughter, how important SAT scores are in the admissions process. "Well" said Julie, "SATs are certainly important, but don't worry about them too much." The mother then asked "Can we see your admissions essay? I bet it was incredible." (The daughter thinks "You wonder why I'm going out of state for college....")

At our first stop in the Yard, I learned that the little guard house by Johnston Gate cost $57,000 to design and build. Flashback to a Crimson article on the Congressional Committee on Higher Education (News, Dec. 12): "Harvard's Office of Government, Community and Public Affairs has been working to convince government officials that the high price of a Harvard education is justified by the high costs it faces as a research institution." The second stop in the Yard brought us to the "statue of three lies." I winced when some tourists rubbed the foot.

At the next stop, outside the Science Center, Julie talked about academic life at Harvard. We learned that the Core composes 25 percent of the curriculum, the concentration composes 50 percent and "the other 25 percent is purely for electives. You can take anything you want." Let's see here. 25 percent of 32 is eight. Eight minus Expos is seven. Seven minus the Language Requirement is five. And for the unfortunate few who fail the QRR and take Expos 10, five minus two is three. Three divided by 32 is 9.4 percent.

Some more great questions were asked. "Julie" gave some interesting answers. Here are the highlights:

Q: "How much do you have to study?"

A: "You do need to study some. It really depends. A lot of nights I read an hour and then go to bed." (No wonder why "Julie" is so damn happy on Saturday morning.)

Q: "How hard is it, really?"

A: "I worked a lot harder my senior year in high school then I did my freshman year at Harvard." (What's Julie's concentration? Sign me up!)

Q: "What if you want to study something that isn't offered, or want to double major?

A: "If you can't find something you like, then they are flexible--it's easy to do both" (Yeah sure. See how "flexible" the eight step Special Concentration application is so you can double major while "reading one hour a night.")

I also learned that:

. The quad is "just a short walk past the admissions office down Garden Street."

. Sections have "8 to 10 people in them."

. The MAC is "a wonderful workout facility that is open both early and late."

. Loker is a "student center with a cafeteria open till 11 p.m."

. The QRR is a "simple math reasoning test."

It seems as though a refined version of Harvard is being marketed. There are three possibilities. First, a secret administrative unit deep inside Mass. Hall keeps track of tour guides. Special privileges, like one hour of homework a night and personal advisors, are bestowed upon tour guides without their knowledge. In turn, these over-eager Harvard students share the only Harvard they know. Second, the same people who teach O.C.S.'s resume workshop write the tour script. Third, I'm just bitter over my financial aid package. Whatever the case, I suggest you take a tour and find out.

Christopher M. Kirchhoff is a first-year in Holworthy Hall.