ASK APARNA

When you're throwing a party and e-mailing the invitation, is it best to cc: the list or bcc [blind carbon copy]: it? Do you want people to know who is invited to the party--so that they don't invite someone who you don't want there--or is it best to keep the list secret, so there are no hurt feelings?

Also, are you required to send the e-mail to EVERYONE you want to be there or is it safe to assume that if you invite one say, roommate, the other roommates will be invited?

Hope to get an answer soon. Sincerely,   Wondering in Winthrop.

Ahh...the nuances of Harvard social life. Well, at least you have somewhere to go and are obviously not being mocked by Store 24 employees on a Saturday night (see last week's edition of Fifteen Minutes for more details). Your problem is a good one to have. As freshmen desperately cruise the Yard looking for something better to do than chat up the backpack checkers in Lamont or crowd into an impossibly small common room with 400 sweaty classmates, you can let the people come to you.

You're throwing a party. The first thing to determine, before I can give you a satisfactory answer, is what kind of a party you want.

Here are a couple major distinctions to think about. Is this a party where people are going to talk to each other, or is it going to feature darkness, loud music, an occasional black light, and lots of perspiration? Or something in between? While you may favor moderation, I definitely don't recommend having a lot of sweaty people in your room without any music, so tread carefully in that "something in between" area.

If this is a dance party, one can assume that you want a lot of people to be there; that Friday during Ec lecture, the four sophomores, juniors and seniors in class should be telling each other, "Hey, did you hear about that party in Winthrop?"

If this is the kind of atmosphere you desire, you definitely need to blind carbon copy the invitation. First of all, it's really annoying to have to scroll down through eight screens worth of names. Second, blatantly cc-ing e-mail to me says, "Look at how many friends I have. I'm so popular." Annoying again.

Quite frankly, I would be more likely to come to party if I didn't know who was going to be there. The element of suspense and intrigue at Harvard is not limited to over-extended assassin games at the various Houses. (Although these play an interesting role in Harvard social life as well. But that's a story for another column).

You never know who you might meet. The flip side of that coin is that you might meet someone you'd rather not have invading your room. In that case, if the music is loud enough and it is dark enough, you can just pretend you never saw the interloper. Perhaps the "Wow, this wall is really interesting" maneuver should not be discounted.

So, bcc is the way to go. Regarding the second part of your question--whether to send to one roommate or both--I say if you know both roommates equally well, you should send the invite to both. Otherwise, I might ask my roommate if she was coming to your party, and she would have to go, "Uhh...I wasn't invited," making both of us feel a little dumb.

Even if you think that it is obvious that you meant to invite the two of us, it's never perfectly obvious unless you're explicit. However, if you know one roommate better, I think it's acceptable to just add a tagline like, "bring a friend" or "bring your blockmates".

But tread this road carefully. Even though you want your party to rank high as a Saturday night destination (though given the current state of Harvard social life, that shouldn't be hard), you might not want each person to whom you send the e-mail to forward it their 40 closest friends and business associates. For Harvard students, it's all about networking. Unfortunately, in avoiding this problem you can only rely on the common sense of your guests.

So choose carefully.

All of the things I have said so far have pertained to the loud, dark, sweaty type of Harvard party. For the other type of classy party, where friends get together and perhaps go out for dinner, celebrate a birthday, a new job or another of the many achievements that Harvard students are prone to rack up, you should cc the list. Be sure to talk to the people attending the party so that each invitee knows what they are getting into. That way, if there are concerns say, about warring factions of the Undergraduate Council (wait, we have a student government?) attending the same function, these problems can be worked out ahead of time.

A final note about the bcc/cc dilemma: to me, bcc connotes a large party to which I should feel free to bring friends. If the list is cc-ed, I e-mail the party organizer to ask if I can bring someone else, and I probably won't bring more than one person.

Addendum for the technologically challenged: to bcc, or blind carbon copy an e-mail in Telnet, hit Control R, which brings up a rich header. Put your own email in the "To" box, and then put the other people under "Bcc." Oh, and a last note to Wondering in Winthrop: the next time you're having a party, my email is sridhar@fas.