Naked Knees

As the temperature plummets, students face the annual question of whether or not the time has come to pack away their shorts for good. Should they resign themselves to another season of ankle-length coverage or flout convention by remaining faithful to their summer attire? Of course, shorts-wearers must endure hardships from bitter air biting at their legs to flabbergasted double takes. These individuals must possess extraordinary self-confidence to publicly expose themselves daily. In short, to wear shorts in the winter is to be a true iconoclast, a super hero who rejects all societal notions of behavior, a human being of epic proportions.

The first obstacle for all would-be polar bears is to overcome the fear of sickness. While mother's warning about certain illness developing from insufficient clothing lies deeply imbedded in the cultural psyche, doctors say health problems should not be a concern. Dr. Christopher M. Coley, a physician from UHS, cites a case from the New England Journal of Medicine in which a jogger suffered frostbite of the penis, as the only documented example of harm from inadequate dressing. "Wearing less than optimal clothing can put you at risk for frostbite, but there is no real proof to support that [wearing shorts is dangerous]," Coley says. He also points out that some communities in Russia even expose their children to the cold in order to give them "immunity" to low temps.

Although his parents did not introduce him to freezing air as a child, self-proclaimed shorts guru Brian J. Averell `02 has thought a great deal about the shorts question. "First of all, frankly, my legs don't get cold because I'm running or walking everywhere. Pants don't do much," he says. Averell explains his complex theory on the garment: "I like to use reverse psychology on Mother Nature. People wear pants too early and Mother Nature sees this and makes it colder sooner. The way you get warm days is that some freak students like myself have been wearing shorts and She has seen us and made it warmer." Averell has not yet published in the New England Journal of Medicine.

Averell's lack of clothing invariably provokes questions about his place of origin. "People assume you're from Antarctica, so it doesn't seem cold here, or from Florida, because you're not used to wearing pants." Averell is from New Jersey.

Even though Justin C. Denham `02 has made the physical move from his hometown of Mammoth Lakes in toasty southern California to chilly New England, he has yet to switch his wardrobe. "The temperature is colder, but I'm addicted [to wearing shorts]. I'm going to hold on as long as I can. It's going to have to get a lot colder for me to change," says determined Denham, who wore pants only once last year--to his high school graduation. "When my legs are covered, it feels weird," he says. Denham's roommate Dalidor E. Snyder `02 admits he is worried about his friend's overexposure. "Being his roommate, I'm afraid he's going to catch a cold. I'm the next closest thing he has to a mother and I wouldn't want him to catch the sniffles," Snyder says.

Sean T. Boyce `00, fell into the hearty habit his freshman year because of a bet. Some of his classmates noticed he was donning shorts frequently and offered to buy him hot chocolate if he could hold out on wearing pants until December first. Not one to turn down a wager, Boyce accepted the challenge. To keep himself warmer he would wear a long, heavy, green coat over his bare legs. "I looked like a flasher," Boyce says. To this day, he admits that "once December rolls around, that's about it for me."

While Boyce may reject the idea of total devotion to shorts culture, the hard core will persevere. Total fanatics like Averell and Denham will bare souls and legs to demonstrate their unfailing allegiance to the categorical superiority of shorts over pants. Keep in mind, however, that Mother Nature rules almighty and often she has one word for fate-tempters: frostbite.