How to Keep Him on a Leash

Sometimes going away to college means leaving a hottie high school boyfriend. However, many girls decide they can persevere through those long distance relationships and keep their studly football-captain lover or their Leonardo DiCaprio-esque tortured-artist sweetheart. Some first-years decide to neglect their studies and stay on the phone all night long with their hometown baby to appease the ache in their heart and keep that love alive.

There are many tips for sustaining a long-distance relationship while cloistered in the hallowed halls of Harvard. First, it is always necessary to plaster every inch of wall space with artfully designed collages of the boyf; make sure that there are a few love letters and Valentine's Day cards interspersed with the multitude of prom photos and that gorgeous dried corsage from Homecoming. Of course, try to color-coordinate everything on your wall (remember the failure of a prom date who forgot to match his tux with your full length fuchsia gown?). Also, in this era of technology, it is absolutely necessary to update your computer programs and screen-savers with the image of your high school paramour. According to one lonely Thayer girl, scanning a few photos of her boyfriend (such as pictures of him in his baseball uniform, flexing after circuits in the weight room, and gamboling with his dog) into the computer and tiling his image as permanent wallpaper brighten up late nights of response papers and lab reports.

Communication is key when trying to keep in touch with your boyfriend. E-mail at least five times a day to let your sweetie know how everything is going. He'll feel a lot better knowing that you are in your room basking in the glare of the computer screen rather than reveling in the attention of new and interesting boys. E-mail is the perfect medium to instantly express the poetry of your love. With lengthy epistles focused solely on the beautiful memory of your torrid adolescent affair, you can remind him what he's missing. Telling him you're desperately pining for the time when you can hop off the bus into his welcoming arms will certainly aid in sustaining the power of the relationship.

Another innovative young college woman has her 3D screen-saver trumpet the date of her next glorious reunion with her boyfriend. The screen-saver simply flashes "Jason is coming to visit me" while gyrating giddily on the screen of her laptop. The best thing about the screen-saver-boyfriend-reminder is that any visitors, and of course every roommate, knows immediately that there is an impending visit from your special someone.

Another important aspect of the long-distance relationship is to ensure that there is no gratuitous cheating going on while the boyfriend is out of the picture. College is just a den of sin. Any party can lead to the temptation to follow that cute boy from Chem section home to Pennypacker. To ensure that no college boy entices you to forget the love you share with your boyfriend, make sure to look absolutely unattractive at all times. Boys usually appreciate hygiene, so if you cease to bathe and never leave the room unless you are in your smelly flannel pajamas with a few strands of greasy hair hanging down one side of your face, you will probably fend off any attacks from those Harvard horn-balls.

Another very difficult situation can be the convenience of entryway incest. That tuba player from upstairs who keeps giving you the eye in your proctor group meetings may want to take your friendly relationship one step further. The simple response to the predatory instincts of those male entry-mates is to lock your door at all times and make sure to utilize the peep-hole when there is an unexpected knock at the door. After your next trek to see him in the wilds of a liberal arts school in Maine or the frat-heaven of your state university, make sure to conveniently pilfer a few articles of clothing and especially a well broken-in hat. Go to bed every night wrapped in the comfort of his Cape Cod Community College sweatshirt with the faint and wafting scent of his cologne.

By using these simple, useful tips, not only will you maintain your relationship, but it will grow stronger.