Welcome to the Jungle

Guns And Roses' "Welcome To The Jungle" fades out and is replaced by the sound of our host's voice...

"Welcome back, you're locked into hour number three of the Jim Rome show. If you're just tuning in you've missed an epic day in the jungle. But now, back to the phones--we're going out to Keith in, Cambridge--Keith, what's up."

"What's up Rome, you're huger than the curve on the Orgo test I just got back."

"Thanks man."

"Hey Rome, I was wondering if I could get a drug test for Keyshawn Johnson?"

"Give it to 'em"

Drug test sound effects ensue.

"OK Rome, what is up with this guy? What the hell is he thinking? 'I think I am going to insult my entire franchise by letting some guy write--errrrrr--by writing a book about my mediocre rookie year. I think I am going to call my quarterback--the only guy on the team that can get me the ball--a racist, thereby ensuring that I will get the ball even less. I think I will also speak out about my franchise when Bill Parcells is coming in to be the new coach--he won't cut my ass in an instant.' Seriously, does anyone know what this kid got on the Wunderlick exam? I can't wait for this gangsta's next book where his forward says, I would like to thank my idol--Michael Irvin--for telling me when it is appropriate to smoke crack and where the best prosti--errrrrr--self-employed models can be found.' Economics concentrators rule, pre-meds suck, I'm out."

"Lates, that's epic. Nice take, Keith."

Welcome to the Jungle.

This was an attempt, although a feeble one, to introduce some people to the nationally syndicated sports radio show hosted by Jim Rome. You remember Jim Rome don't you? He used to host Talk2 on the Deuce until he called Jim Everret, then quarterback of the Rams, Chris Evert too many times. That's when Everret jumped Rome, knocked him down and led to Rome's dismissal. Same guy. Same attitude.

The Jungle, as Rome's show is affectionately called, is sports radio with a vengeance. He implores his callers to "Have a take and don't suck." This means, if you are going to call, have something insightful, humorous or interesting to say, or don't call at all. Rome isn't afraid to crackback (insult) an athlete, an executive or one of his favorite Clones (regular callers).

Rome's show is now syndicated out across the country. I pick the show up in Phoenix when I am at home, but alas, can't get it here in Beantown.

All the information you need can be found on the Jungle's web page (www.jimrome.com). Perhaps the best thing about the web page is sound clips. If you have real audio you can download some of the calls and listen to the Clones. If you are there, make sure to check out Rex Hudler talking about his "Mule Boy," there are not many things funnier.

I know what you're thinking. Why in God's name is this kid writing about this radio show? Well, there are great things to be learned from the Jungle, and I think part of Harvard life should listen up.

I'm talking about sections. Quite simply, people in sections need to heed Rome's advice and "Have a take and don't suck."

I am sick and tired of hearing these idiotic Gov concentrators blabbering about crap that is unimportant, repetitive and boring only for the sake of hearing themselves speak. If only sections were more like the Jungle...

"Can I get a that's whack for Bob from Tampa in my Science B-15 section?"

"Give it to 'em."

"OK, freak-show. You'd like to think that we care about what you are talking about, but you're wrong. I mean, do you actually think questions like, 'Do you think E.O. Wilson doesn't like teaching about aging because, you know, he's not exactly a spring chicken? Do you think he feels bad?' are relevant to anything? What are you thinking? Why don't you shut you friggin' mouth and take some notes, dammit. Good night now."

Or...

"Hey Rome, what's up with this kid in my economics 1010b section? The TF asks us the typical introductory question about your name and your concentration and where you live, and this kid goes off. He starts talking about how he is in the class because he is fascinated by development in Third-World countries and how policy affects that development. I was surprised that he didn't start talking about how supply-side economics had affected his life. Don't get me wrong, I am glad he likes that stuff, and he can learn as much about it as he pleases, on his own time. Hey, its an Ec section, there are no brownie points to be won. Out."

This is what Harvard needs. People that have good questions and astute comments can quickly earn there reputation as Clones and can jump to the front of the speaking line during section. People that don't have takes can be run out of the section due to embarrassment after receiving so much smack. Then there are those of us that just sit and listen who simply receive entertainment for our trouble.

Out.