Bull Market

For me, it was alliteration with a sweet, sweet rhythm and ring.

"Bulls Aren't Bullet-Proof" announced the headline for the lead story on the ESPN Sportszone web page. The Associated Press column in the Boston Globe preferred, "Bullets Bite Bulls."

Whatever delightfully cheesy way you choose to say it, fans witnessed a miracle in Landover last Thursday night. It was a gift from God that nearly rivalled the resurrection and return of Juwan Howard in a Washington uniform.

The Washington Bullets did what no one could have expected. They beat the defending NBA champion Chicago Bulls, 110-102.

A win against Chicago is an event for any team, particularly for one that will face Chicago in the first round if it manages to hang on to the last playoff spot in the division.

Astonishingly, it was this team, the too-often mediocre Bullets, who guaranteed that the Bulls would not improve upon last season's historic 72-10 record.

This remarkable event made me wonder anew, along with every fan of every other team in the NBA: Why are the Bulls so (annoyingly) good?

I turned to everyone's first source for opinions about life, love and basketball: roommates. A quick survey received the following takes on Chicago's amazing success.

Roommate (Celtics fan): "What? We need a draft pick."

They do, they really do. It's almost heartbreaking when the sports commentator for the local news prefaces the Celtics report, "And the drive to the lottery continues!"

Roommate (Knicks fan): "The Bulls are a bunch of no-talent hacks. We beat them this year! No, I have to admit, annoying as he is, Michael Jordan is a consistently amazing player who you can always count on."

Clearly, Jordan can't be ignored, whether you find him annoying or amazing. However, his presence cannot account for his team's near-invincibility.

Remember the Bulls of the mid-80s? Jordan seemed to break a record every night as his team rewarded his efforts with yet another loss. Little help?

Now Jordan is flanked by Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman and Toni Kukoc. This still doesn't explain much.

Only Jordan and Pippen qualify as true superstars; the Worm almost does seem to be of another species at times.

And many other teams have starting lineups that are just as strong, if not superior. The Houston Rockets have three of the 50 greatest players of all time--when they're not injured.

So just what does make this Bulls team so unbeatable?

Boyfriend (Flake): "The Bulls win because they don't shoot themselves in the foot. While other teams fall apart in the second half, they turn it on. Also, they practice meditation."

I would hesitate to comment on whether Chicago's success can be attributed to Phil Jackson's Zen Christianity, but the flake may have something with his first remark.

Often, the Bulls leave the floor at the half in a reasonably tight game; they may even be behind. However, they keep it together and continue the pace. It's the other team that gets rattled, intimidated or sloppy.

Once the other team shows the slightest vulnerability, it's all over. Possession time dwindles to insignificant, as Pippen steals and Rodman rebounds. Air Jordan flies, his occasional air balls negated by increased shooting opportunities.

The Bulls win because they don't beat themselves. And since they won't do it, someone else has to.