Manners and Other Trivial Things

Since arriving at Harvard a year and a half ago, I have never ceased to be amazed by the abilities of my fellow students. Among my peers I find magnificent writers, wonderful actors, incredible athletes and people whose lives are filled with experiences of which I could only dream.

Judging from the many exhibitions of achievement, it is clear that these people have been educated very well both inside and outside the classroom. But in one critical area of life I have been disappointed to find most Harvard students lacking: home training.

You know what I'm talking about, unless, of course, you are one of those in need. Home training (also known as common courtesy, respectability, manners and decency) is that basic, minimal level of civility upon which most constructive human interaction is based. Home training teaches us to say hello to people who greet us, not to yell in church or pick our noses in public or let the door slam behind us in someone's face. But may be these concepts are too trivial for the Harvard student who is busy becoming a future leader. After all, company executives, mayors and doctors will never need to know how to interact with people, will they?

Perhaps indulging in simple manners takes up too much time for the average over-committed Harvard student. But let's look at something that involves the least amount of thought: basic greetings.

Why is it that one word with just one syllable, "hi," is so hard to utter for much of the College's population? I can't count the number of times I have initiated contact with this little word and gotten no response. Even during the first months of my first year, when everyone is supposedly trying to meet people and be friendly, I was hard pressed to achieve eye contact. Now that's just sad.

Call me old-fashioned, but I think if someone says "hi" to you, some form of response is required. Instead, it seems that in Harvard language, "hello" is translated as "avert your eyes as quickly as possible and pretend you can't hear."

People, we should know better. Remember in elementary school when you'd do something inappropriate and the teacher would ask, "Now would you do that at home?" Invariably the answer was "No ma'am." Frighteningly, it seems we have forgotten this basic childhood lesson.

What if President Clinton walked by Boris Yeltsin without saying "hi" or bumped into Jacques Chirac without a "pardonnez-moi?" Why, that's an international diplomatic gaffe of the highest proportions. If U.S. News & World Report factored etiquette into their rankings, fair Harvard might not even make third.

What has gotten into people? Maybe everybody's worried about that whole millenium thing. Or maybe it's something in the water. Of course, television has its share of the blame. And I always knew that the light board in Loker was trouble.

It's easy to pin the blame on external social forces. Admittedly, this shady behavior is not isolated to Harvard students, but is prevalent throughout society. But we must accept responsibility for our behavior. We have a choice to act in a variety of ways; to behave inconsiderately is a personal decision, not a social compulsion.

Harvard is our society right now. It is the little world which we can shape in any way we choose. I implore you: Don't contribute to the debasement of values. Pick your noses at home. Hold that door. And in the name of John Harvard, smile at people who say "hi" and say hello right back at them.

Baratunde R. Thurston '99 is a resident of Lowell House.