BEING CHEWBACCA

Like all red-blooded Americans, we at Dartboard have been eagerly awaiting this weekend's re-release of Star Wars, George Lucas' classic science fiction film. Twenty years after the movie first opened, the current wave of hype has given us the perfect opportunity to rehash our debates about the true motives of Luke Skywalker's suspicious uncle Owen, to argue about the relative merits of life in the Hoth and Dagobah systems, and of course, to ponder whether Princess Leia is, in fact, a true feminist.

But all these questions seem trivial in comparison to confusion caused by a discovery we've made in recent viewings of the movies on video: in the entire extant Star Wars trilogy--so far as we have been able to discern--Chewbacca is the only wookie.

While Chewie never seems lonely, it's difficult to believe the great brown fuzzy animal could be anything but depressed. Sure, he can take orders from Han Solo and Han seems to understand his growls. But anyone who can repair the Millennium Falcon surely has more on his mind (her mind?) than periodic shrieks of approval and disdain.

Indeed, Chewbacca is a cluster of enigmas: Why isn't he off at his end of the galaxy looking for a mate? Has he been sold into slavery? Is that metal strap a fashion statement? A restraint device? Does he really enjoy interstellar space travel? Is it just a way to pay the bills?

Naturally, any information that might shed light on these issues would be much appreciated by all of us at Dartboard. Until then, may we all meet up at the Mos Eisley Cantina.