Prowlers Pillage 'Poon Castle

A series of break-ins was reported last week at the Harvard Lampoon, a semi-secret Bow Street social organization which used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine, resulting in the theft of several Lampoon artifacts including brass dishes, a wolf pelt, a bottle of 1990 Chenin Anjou and an autographed copy of The Poetry of Leonard Nimoy.

Investigators have been stymied by the crimes, though prime suspects such as the terrorist groups Hamas and the Shining Path have yet to deny responsibility for the incidents. Members of the Harvard Independent were also unaccounted for during the times of the burglary, sources said.

F. Timothy Santry '97-'98, president of the Independent, emphatically denied any connection with the break-ins, but speculated that other campus organizations might be to blame.

"I heard the Hillel wanted to start a rivalry since they're across the street and everything," Santry said.

Members of the Lampoon were visibly distraught by the burglaries. Former Lampoon President John J. Abbot '96 has been overheard asking random passersby, "What are you doing with my plates?"

"It's gone," Abbot said through tears. "It's all gone. Just like that. Woosh. Woooooooosssssssssssshhhhhhhhhh."

Former Lampoon Ibis Aaron P. Niehas '96 said he commended the tenacity of the burglars who, he said, broke in two nights in a row.

"These kids are die hard--with a vengeance," Niehas said.

Niehas began sobbing and repeating, "I miss you Rose-a-Sharn; I miss you Rose-a-Sharn," and was thus unavailable for further comment.

In spite of their distress, the 'Poonsters were kind enough to take the four Crimson reporters on the scene to Au Bon Pain for early morning croissants and coffee.

"They took us to breakfast," said R. Alan Leo '98, who is a Crimson editor. "They put us in line, they made us tell the cashier what we wanted, they sat us at a table. They took us to breakfast.

"They took us to breakfast," said R. Alan Leo '98, who is a Crimson editor. "They put us in line, they made us tell the cashier what we wanted, they sat us at a table. They took us to breakfast.