KEEP THOSE KIDS ARMED

This past week, the Children's Defense Fund announced a new study that shows gunfire to be the second-highest cause of death among children aged 10-19, right behind car accidents.

We God-fearing Americans here at The Harvard Crimson are concerned that bleeding-heart liberals will use this statistic to bolster their obviously flawed and unconstitutional argument that we should somehow try to reduce the number of guns floating around this country just because a child died from gunfire every 92 minutes in 1993.

It's our American birthright to freely purchase and own handguns and large-caliber assault rifles. Why, I remember how proud I was the day my pop brought home my first fully automatic rifle and a box of teflon-sheathed "cop killer" bullets. It was my ninth birthday. I said "now if those jack-booted thugs come after me I'll be ready for them right pop?" My parents beamed with pride. They still tell that story to all our relatives.

After all, if guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. Here, in fact, lies the solution to our problems. Instead of taking guns away from our nation's children, we should arm them. Yup, no big bad gangster is come after little Billy with a gun if he knows the tyke is sporting his own firepower. Mandatory handgun training should be added to our elementary schools' curricula. Peace through superior firepower. It won the cold war, you know.

So the next time those left-wing counterculture wackos in Congress get the idea into our head to take away our firearms, I hope they realize what they're doing. Remember, an AK a day keeps the schoolyard bully away.