SEWAGE MAY SPAWN TRICLOPS

Those Simpsons fans among us are undoubtedly familiar with "Blinky," the three-eyed fish that frolics in the river near the Springfield nuclear power plant. But how many are aware of the six-legged frogs that are turning up all over Minnesota?

In fact, amphibians with deformities at least as disturbing as the fictional tri-orbed fish can be found over that entire Midwestern state. Besides possessing a variable amount of legs, these poor li'l froggies often are missing their eyes entirely, and some exhibit shrunken or missing sex organs. Scientists are not sure exactly what is causing the massive deformation, but you can bet your remaining Crimson Cash that it's some form of pollution.

Which brings us to our beloved Charles River. For the past few months, the levels of fecal coliform bacteria in the river have been several hundreds of times the levels declared safe for boating by the EPA. There have been several incidents where boaters have reported getting sick.

Now, I'm no ecological nut or anything, but I think that it's time to get serious about stopping the towns along the Charles from dumping their sewage illegally. It's somewhat reassuring that there has been a legal deadline established for stopping such dumping; the end of 1997. But you can only prevent what you know about. Let's hope that the government does find and stop all this nasty business in the near future, or those of us on the crew team may just have to learn to deal with an extra eye in the middle of the forehead.