Disney's Celebration Is the Next Sudetenland

An editorial that appeared in The Crimson last week extolled the virtues of Celebration, Florida (the "Disney Utopia"). Here's a response in lyrical format from the musical that I wrote with Adam J. Levitin '98 called "Small World Order," which opens at Loeb Ex on October 24. The premise is that Disney wouldn't have sunk $2 billion into Celebration unless it expected big returns-- say, national rule. Imagine Disney towns sprouting up all over the country....

There are two voices in this song: The Disneyites and the international terrorists (in parentheses) who are decidedly anti-Celebration. Here goes! Imagine music:

A perfect place/ Of world renown/ Reserve a space/ In a Disney Town!

We're sending out an invitation, all across this mighty nation.../ Now's the time for relocation to a town like Celebration!/ Say you're out of butter and you'd like to get some more./ Or you need some safe detergent for the kitchen floor./ Just send your children over to the local Country Store!/ That's what Country Stores are for.

(But if, for some odd reason, you neglect to make a wage/ That's high enough to land you in this gilded age,/ You'll spend your time where gangs and crime and drugs still rage./ That's the cage they call "Offstage.")

Work and play in Amity, Contentment, or Benevolence!/ Thrive without calamity, resentment or malevolence!/ You're filling out a crossword when you hear a friendly knock./ You say, "Come right on in! We never use the lock!"

And in comes Old Man Ferguson from just around the block--/ (I can't stand this crock of schlock!)/ The Town Police make sure you never see yourself a bum./ The Litter Agents sweep Offstage the smallest crumb./ The cleanliness can numb you; where'd they stash away the scum?/ We're not dumb; it's in the slum.)

Stroll the streets of Happiville, or frolic in Love Landing!/ Set up shop in Peace, Goodwill or Mutual Understanding!/ Now is no time for hesitation.

Make an early reservation!

We're not talking one vacation;

This'll be a mass migration!

You'll find rest and relaxation,

Happy times without cessation,

Order, fun and cultivation

In a town like Celebration!

Come and live in Celebration!/ (It's a total inundation!)/ Jubilation! Pure, misguided isolation!/ Exultation! Listen to our condemnation!/ Liberation! This is mere idealization!/ Exclamation! Mutilation!

Inspiration! Desecration!

Enervation! Immolation!

Satiation! Nauseation!

Everywhere across this nation

There's a cause for celebration! --Douglas B. Rand '98