Commandos Liberate Crimson President's Chair

A group of 14 armed commandos emerged yesterday afternoon from the castle of the Harvard Lampoon, a semi-secret Bow Street social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine, carrying the president's chair of The Harvard Crimson.

The raid, carried out in broad daylight, has been in the works for several months, according to a raid organizer who asked to be identified only as "Todd."

"Yeah, we've been ready to do this since August, but we just wanted to wait for the moon to be in the seventh hour. That and the Ad Board thing," "Todd" said.

Crimson President Todd F. Braunstein '97 declined to comment, saying only that he could not confirm or deny Crimson involvement in the raid.

"Back in the days of Julian Barnes, we didn't comment on these things," Braunstein said.

'Poonsters said they were shocked at the theft and had no idea the raid was taking place until it was over.

"We figured our security was pretty tight," said Lampoon President Michael H. Schur '97 while beating down one of the alligators prowling the 'Poon's parlor.

Schur said he had been sitting on the chair all day and only noticed it was missing when he walked into the Adams House dining hall and found the checker there perched atop the massive throne.

"They must have been ninjas, man," said Lampoon Co-Ibis David J. Eilenberg '97.

Eilenberg said he was unable to comment further because he and other 'Poonsters were expected at an intergalactic marshal arts tournament later that evening, and he needed to prepare his secret moves.

Eilenberg then turned, raised his fist in the air and screamed "Mortal Kombat" repeatedly until University Health Services officials arrived on the scene to transport him to McLean Hospital.

Other Lampoon editors said they were not surprised that a group of highly-trained mercenaries could infiltrate their castle and complete a successful raid.

"Well, we're usually so engrossed in our work that we might not notice," said Co-Ibis Etan J. Cohen '97.

Cohen explained that it is often difficult to prevent a group of purportedly funny undergraduates from publishing a magazine.

"Some of the kids almost snuck a new number by us this spring," Cohen said. "So now we've got to keep watching them, cracking the whip, you know."

Also reported missing from the castle was an autographed copy of The Poetry of Leonard Nimoy, 'Poon officials said.

Andrew A. Green '98, a Crimson editor who has been implicated in previous Lampoon break-ins, could not be reached for comment.