AND IN THIS CORNER...

George Bush drew a line in the sand on Kuwait. Bill Clinton draws the line closer to home. The President, capitalizing on his new reputation as the Arkansas strongman, took a tough stand against an old challenger from The New York Times, columnist William Safire. In his column last Tuesday, Safire had the gall to call the First Lady a "congenital liar" for her obsfucation about "Travelgate," her wildly successful commodities career and some obscure beachfront property in Arkansas.

The old Clinton might have devoted days to Hamlet-like meditations over how to respond to much an insult. Not so the new Clinton, bolstered by a fresh spine from his stands over Bosnia and the budget. Such a man would not such an insult sitting down. That afternoon he sent White House spokesperson Mike McCurry to inform the sports reporters in the White House press corps that "The President, if he were not the President, would have delivered a more forceful response to that, on the bridge of Mr. Safire's nose."

But why should the President be denied satisfaction on account of his office? If the office allows him to testify about exposing himself to a former employee, surely he will not be denied the privilege of defending his wife's honor. In the old days, he would have challenged that villain to a duel. But in these gentler times, mano a mano would seem more appropriate.

I foresee a new policy angle in the President's prowess. Buying the President boxing gloves is certainly cheaper than an air-craft carrier. Perhaps "big stick" diplomacy can give way to "Big Bubba" diplomacy. After all, the President's girth is surely one of his virtues. I would put our champion against any of those other so-called world leaders. The war in Bosnia, the Japanese trade deficit and China's human rights violations could all be settled in a way appropriate for gentlemen. I'm betting on Bubba.

The budget deadlock being what it is, perhaps a good brawl would be a more appropriate vehicle to settle the dispute than endless negotiations over Medicare minutiae. I could see it now. Clinton is bigger, but Gingrich is quicker on his feet. You call Don King. I'll rent the steel cage.