Kiosk Stakeout

HAVE YOU EVER wondered how the five million posters you put up for your play or 80's dance before your classes disappeared by lunchtime? FM decided it was high time to stake-out the Kiosks and see what really happens to all of those sexually suggestive teasers and a capella announcements.

7:30 AM My alarm goes off...I want to sleep. OK, OK Reenie, get up. It is imperative that you uncover this mystery. I call my sidekick and photographer, Secret Agent Koichi. We're on the job.

8:20 AM Up my booty-hole! The Kiosks have already been cleared No suspicious characters lingering around. Hmm...the only feasible explanation: aliens, Yeah...remember that episode of the X-Files when Mulder and Scully were investigating...but wait. We see a man with a pointy pole walking over there. This seems suspicious.

8:35 AM The man is incredibly mean. He is reluctant to answer any questions pertaining to the curious disappearance of the posters...it seems suspicious. Perhaps he's an alien in disguise. Hey, it happened on the X-Files. Remember when Mulder thought he found his sister...

Four days later

2:07 PM As most paranormal activity is associated with dawn, dusk and night-fall, I arrive at mid-day to rule out the extraterrestrial variable in my investigation.

2:10 PM A young woman pauses by the Kiosks with a stack of papers. I nonchalantly approach her.

Name: Helen French '97. Position: Member of the Bach Society Orchestra and experienced posterer. She admits that she started postering at 8:30 in the morning because now "[she] has the right to take off posters on top of [hers]." And indeed she did. Actually, she only removed posters from groups who "consistently posters over [hers]." French says that postering is especially important to Bach Soc because they "spend a lot of money on posters and their existence depends on people coming to concerts."

2:20 PM I wonder about other groups. Does postering technique depend on the organization? A tall, while male approaches the Kiosk.

Name: Greg Babineau '96, a member of PBH. Technique: "[Tries] not to cover other posters because it's obnoxious." Interesting.

2:22 PM A brown-haired woman with funky sunglasses walks up.

Name: Irit Tau '97, co-president of the Center for International Affairs Student Council. Technique: Gives "special preference to organizations that any friends are in" but otherwise tries not to cover the "important parts of the posters," for example, the phone number to call for a sublet.

As I ponder the implications of her statement, an eager Asian male comes by.

Name: Sewell Chan '98, a member of the Asian American Association. Technique: "always posters over signs which have not been approved by the University." Chan further expounds that "Christian groups are very good" when it comes to postering etiquette, but "the a cappella groups are incorrigible!"

2:36 PM Tau and Chan continue to linger. Tau point out that groups like the IOP are "so big that they can mow down anyone. "Perhaps their size can be correlated with the size and proliferation of their posters. Chan adds that postering is a "Sisyphean and frustrating task." But some people, like Stephanie Levin, an graduate students, poster as a work-study job and are unaware of any postering preferences except postering where it is most noticeable.

2:55 PM A friendly middle-aged couple approaches. They comment that crowded postering is "a never-ending cycle because students put up one or two posters on each side. They think that their posters will be covered by tomorrow anyways" thus generating less Kiosk space and the need to posters over each other. An interesting theory.

3:10 PM I watch as a combination of bad taping and a strong gust of wind pull off four posters.

4:15 PM I leave my comfortable perch next to the Kiosk. I begin to ponder the natural eroding forces of wind and rain that are only minor players in this mystery. Competition between organizations could explain the disappearance of many posters, but as Levine stated, many posterers have "no particular attachments" to any organization. All clues are now pointing to the mean man who ignored me in the morning. My detective skills have been sharply honed by Mulder and Scully from the X-Files, who have taught me that "the truth is out there." And in this case I believe the mean man is not who he says he is. However, due to lack of concrete evidence this mystery still remains unsolved.

X-File 21775, closed...for now.