My Parents Went to Cancun...

THE T-SHIRT has long been a staple of the American wardrobe. Beyond its role as the most basic part of any non-outfit, the t-shirt has come to serve as a personal billboard. Messages run from the mundane to the inane. Trying to determine whether there is meaning behind the madness of t-shirt today. I asked students around campus what the messages on their shirts mean.

Matt A. Stewart '98 is sporting an Adidas-esque t-shirt with a sparkly iron-on decal of an alien and the slogan "Take Me To Your Leader." When questioned about the statement his shirt is making, Stewart says, "It sort of expresses some of the existentialist alienation that I feel." Who is his leader? "Gina Grant."

Carrick M. Moore Gerety '98 is more than enthusiastic about the resurgence of the t-shirt. The one he is wearing now is baby blue with a Japanese character on the back. Says Moore Gerety, "I don't know what [the character] means, but it doesn't matter. I like my t-shirts so much that every day I find a way to wear them outside of my clothes, so that they are visible as much as possible."

"It's a complex thing," he explains. "My favorite t-shirt is my 'Mr. Bubble' one. It's tight, and I like tighter t-shirts in general."

Feliciano D. Vera '98 wears one of the more disturbing shirts I've seen. It reads, "I was kidnapped, robbed, and molested by Danny Ray Horning, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" above a picture of the convict. "Danny Ray Horning," he explains, "was on the lam [on the run--if you knew this, disregard the translation] in '93 for two months in Arizona. It was the largest manhunt in Arizona history." In response to why he sports Horning's mug shot on his chest, he says, "I wear it to annoy people and attract random questions. I've been told that it's offensive and that it's a personal problem of mine."

Greg C. Clayman '95 is wearing a shirt with a picture of Barbie and her name below in swirling pink letters. She comes complete with a real metal hoop earning. "This is my favorite t-shirt," Clayman says. "I guess it's not that cool a shirt, but Traci Lords gave it to me and that's why I wear it. It reminds me of her." Okay. I encounter Clayman a second time and inquire about another shirt which he is wearing. "Please don't describe this t-shirt. It belongs to an ex-girlfriend of mine, and if she hears that I have it, she'll want it back."

I ask a first-year who wishes to remain anonymous why "It's Better In Texas," as his shirt declares. He responds, "Have you ever been there? Then you'd know."

I have to confess that over spring break I purchased a cheesy tourist t-shirt in the Cayman Islands. It depicts a glaring imitation of a beer bottle label in vivid yellow, green and red. Robert J. Levy '95 informs me that the next step is to "cut off the sleeves and have a buff tank-top for summer." Is this the next wave?

Levy could not be reached for comment regarding his shirt reading "Pornstar--Real Live Entertainment."