Students Say Interracial Love Accepted At the College

Edward M. Gubbins '94 says he belongs in an advertisement for interracial dating. At Harvard, he jokes, he has dated "the united colors of Benetton."

Gubbins, who is white, is just one of many students who have found love on Harvard's diverse campus with someone who is not of their own race or cultural background.

But interracial love comes with costs. Undergraduates who date students of different races say their families and other members of their ethnic groups can exert pressure to limit relationships to within one's own race.

While interracial dating remains taboo in many circles, many undergraduates say the College provides an unusually accepting atmosphere in which love can cross color lines.

"People are not as constrained by those pressures at Harvard," Gubbins say. "You don't feel that people are making judgements."

In fact, students say race is similar to other differences in background that are factors in every romance.

"Every relationship has issues in it," says Angelina Snodgrass '94, who is half Hispanic And half white and is currently dating Coky T. Nguyen '95, an Asian-American. Both are editors of the Crimson.

"The interracial aspect is just another issue and not a reason not to have a relationship," Snodgrass says.

Students say interracial relationships can carry a social stigma, including director Spike Lee's notion--developed in the movie "Jungle Fever-that people date interraciallybecause of an idealized notion or curiosity aboutanother race.

"If you do date interracially, you worryslightly about [the Jungle Fever Stigma], howpeople may respond in their perception of you,"Gubbins says.

Gubbins acknowledges "there are people I haveheard of, or know, that have a particular fetish."But undergraduates for the most part say love, notcuriosity, is what brings couples together.

"There is that thing if you watch 'JungleFever'-the implication that you have some deviantexotic image of another ethnic group," Gubbinssays. "That is not the case with the people I havedated. There is no exotic, fetish thing going on."

A Black senior, who spoke on condition ofanonymity, says she is dating another senior whois white. She says she rarely has problems withderogatory comments though lately she has receivedunsolicited "Jungle Fever" remarks from youngpeople she passes on the streets of Cambridge.

"[The remarks] don't faze me; I could care lesswhat they think," she says. "If someone didanything threatening that would be a problem.Remarks don't bother me--it's too bad they'reignorant."

The senior says she finds the Harvardenvironment accepting, but "once you go intoBoston and Cambridge that is where people saythings when you get stares."

But other students, such as Rachel Kleinberg'94 say they have never experienced a negativereaction toward their interracial dating either onor off campus.

"Harvard allows for [interracial dating]," saysKleinberg who--in her first interracialrelationship--is dating a Chinese-Americanstudent. "All of sudden you are with people ofdifferent races with a wider scope to date from."

White Backgrounds

Many of the students who have been involved ininterracial relationships at Harvard say they comefrom predominantly white high schools. Afterarriving at Harvard, they encountered a diversecultural environment that facilitates interracialdating, though it does not necessarily encourageit.

Kleinberg, for one, says her hometown ofWellesley, Mass., was not culturally diverse andinterracial dating was uncommon. And Gubbins, whocame from an all-boys school, says the opportunityto date outside his ethnic group didn't oftenarise.

"I never thought about race in terms ofdating--I will or will not date this or thatgroup," Gubbins says. "Someone actually wageredwith me in high school that I wouldn't date aBlack or Asian girl."

Gubbins says one of his long term relationshipsat Harvard was with a Japanese American student.

But Gubbins says he also dates women within hisown race.

"It is random," he says. "I have datedCaucasians. It's not that I am drawn to one groupor people that are not white."

But while it offers opportunities, Snodgrasssays Harvard's multiracial environment can fostersegregation that lessens the chances forinterracial dating. Many Black students forexample says they choose to live in the Quadbecause they feel more comfortable there.

"Although Harvard is a very diverse communityand promotes awareness of racial issues it canlead to segregation of different groups that doesnot encourage interracial dating," she says.

Snodgrass and Nguyen say they think ethnicgroups on campus tend "to splinter people" anddiscourage interracial dating, though Gubbinscautions that opinions within groups vary.

"It works on a very individuals level," Gubbinssays. "It is important to remember that there is awide variety of opinions in differentcommunities."

Family Pressure

Most students say the greatest sanctionsagainst interracial dating come from families, notpeers.

Although Snodgrass says her own family hasnever criticized her relationship, she does thinkthat families can be "a huge problem" whereinterracial dating is concerned.

And the Black senior who spoke on condition ofanonymity says family support can make or break arelationship.

"Families are something to think about," thesenior says. "It's hard to stay in a relationshipwhen there are so many external problems."

Nguyen says he thinks families from certainethnic groups tend to discourage interracialdating.

"In Asian families, there is a lot of parentalpressure to date in the [same] ethnicity," hesays. "Nowadays, Asian parents discourageinterracial dating more [than Caucasianfamilies]."

That makes the College a particularlyattractive place to date interracially, becausefamilies are far away and can't easily check up onstudents.

"Your parents don't need to find out," Nguyensays. "You don't have to take it home.:"

An Asian-American first-year student, forexample asked to remain anonymous in this articlebecause her parents are not aware she is currentlydating a Black undergraduate.

The first-year says she thinks her parentsgeneration has more difficulty acceptinginterracial dating than her peers do.

"When I am with other Asian Parents, they willlook at me funny but won't say anything," she says"Among my friends, it is not a big deal at all."

But many of her peers who accept the idea"would not think of [dating interracially]themselves," she says.

"People will have problems with it for a longtime to come," the first years says. "I don't feelthat people are very comfortable with racialdifference, especially as applied to issues ofdating and marriage."

She says anti miscegenation laws that went offthe books decades ago still cast a long shadowover the contemporary dating scene.

"Barely 50 years ago certain races weren'tallowed to marry other races,"she says."There'sstill a lot of residue from that."

Inter-Faith

Craig Briskin '94 says the experience of datinginterracially is similar to carrying on arelationship with someone of a different faith.

Briskin, who is Jewish says the Harvardcommunity is accepting of inter-faith romance, butthat parents can pressure children to refrain fromdating outside their religion.

Brisken says his parents make it clear thatthey want him to date only other Jewish students.

"It wouldn't make a difference [what race] theywere if they were not Jewish," says Briskin, whohas tried, unsuccessfully to date outside hisfaith. "Not Jewish is the main issue right now."

Brisken says interfaith relationships can leadstudents to question how they view their owncultural identity.

"It's made me wonder what about this identityis important to me," he say "Before I was contentnot defining myself. When it comes to dating, youhave to decide how much you want to let yourparents influence you."

But Snodgrass and Nguyen say the disapproval offamily or friends should not discourageindividuals relationships. Snodgrass says any kindof interracial relationships, whether a friendshipor a romance, is a beneficial experience for bothparties.

"I don't think you should limit yourexperiences by only hanging out with people ofyour own race," she says. "You can always learnfrom contact with people outside of your race."

Still many individuals who date interraciallyare those who don't strongly identify with theirown ethnic group students say.

Nguyen, for example says he grew up in a whitesuburb and did not date other Asians. Because ofhis lack of exposure to other minorities, he doesnot strongly identify with his own heritage.

"If you are dating a white person it could bebecause you act just like a white person but youhave slanty eyes," Nguyen says, "or it could beyou are so exotic that the person wants to seewhat you are like."

But those looking for a cross-culturalexperience in their romances can be disappointed.Kleinberg says she does not feel she is learningabout Chinese culture from her boyfriend because"he doesn't know that much about his culture."

Students with strong ties to their culturalbackground, she says, don't tend to haveinterracial relationships.

"The most radical people in ethnic groupdiscourage any kind of interrelating, dating orotherwise," Kleinberg says.

What's Interracial?

Not everyone sees race as an issue in theirromance. Rita Dai' 94 says she is currentlyinvolved in an interracial relationship but "itdoesn't feel like it."

Dai, who is Asian-American says that she doesnot view the relationship as interracial becauseboth she and her white boyfriend, Eugene "Gino"Mirabelli '94 are United States citizens.

"I am American; he's American, she says.

Dai says she thinks all relationships have todeal with differences in backgrounds, not justinterracial relationships.

"Everyone grows up in a different family, witha culture specific to your family," she says. "Youmay have more differences [in an interracialrelationship] but they'll be there anyway."CrimsonJohn C. MitchellRACHEL KLEINBERG '94 says Harvard allows forinterracial dating.

"If you do date interracially, you worryslightly about [the Jungle Fever Stigma], howpeople may respond in their perception of you,"Gubbins says.

Gubbins acknowledges "there are people I haveheard of, or know, that have a particular fetish."But undergraduates for the most part say love, notcuriosity, is what brings couples together.

"There is that thing if you watch 'JungleFever'-the implication that you have some deviantexotic image of another ethnic group," Gubbinssays. "That is not the case with the people I havedated. There is no exotic, fetish thing going on."

A Black senior, who spoke on condition ofanonymity, says she is dating another senior whois white. She says she rarely has problems withderogatory comments though lately she has receivedunsolicited "Jungle Fever" remarks from youngpeople she passes on the streets of Cambridge.

"[The remarks] don't faze me; I could care lesswhat they think," she says. "If someone didanything threatening that would be a problem.Remarks don't bother me--it's too bad they'reignorant."

The senior says she finds the Harvardenvironment accepting, but "once you go intoBoston and Cambridge that is where people saythings when you get stares."

But other students, such as Rachel Kleinberg'94 say they have never experienced a negativereaction toward their interracial dating either onor off campus.

"Harvard allows for [interracial dating]," saysKleinberg who--in her first interracialrelationship--is dating a Chinese-Americanstudent. "All of sudden you are with people ofdifferent races with a wider scope to date from."

White Backgrounds

Many of the students who have been involved ininterracial relationships at Harvard say they comefrom predominantly white high schools. Afterarriving at Harvard, they encountered a diversecultural environment that facilitates interracialdating, though it does not necessarily encourageit.

Kleinberg, for one, says her hometown ofWellesley, Mass., was not culturally diverse andinterracial dating was uncommon. And Gubbins, whocame from an all-boys school, says the opportunityto date outside his ethnic group didn't oftenarise.

"I never thought about race in terms ofdating--I will or will not date this or thatgroup," Gubbins says. "Someone actually wageredwith me in high school that I wouldn't date aBlack or Asian girl."

Gubbins says one of his long term relationshipsat Harvard was with a Japanese American student.

But Gubbins says he also dates women within hisown race.

"It is random," he says. "I have datedCaucasians. It's not that I am drawn to one groupor people that are not white."

But while it offers opportunities, Snodgrasssays Harvard's multiracial environment can fostersegregation that lessens the chances forinterracial dating. Many Black students forexample says they choose to live in the Quadbecause they feel more comfortable there.

"Although Harvard is a very diverse communityand promotes awareness of racial issues it canlead to segregation of different groups that doesnot encourage interracial dating," she says.

Snodgrass and Nguyen say they think ethnicgroups on campus tend "to splinter people" anddiscourage interracial dating, though Gubbinscautions that opinions within groups vary.

"It works on a very individuals level," Gubbinssays. "It is important to remember that there is awide variety of opinions in differentcommunities."

Family Pressure

Most students say the greatest sanctionsagainst interracial dating come from families, notpeers.

Although Snodgrass says her own family hasnever criticized her relationship, she does thinkthat families can be "a huge problem" whereinterracial dating is concerned.

And the Black senior who spoke on condition ofanonymity says family support can make or break arelationship.

"Families are something to think about," thesenior says. "It's hard to stay in a relationshipwhen there are so many external problems."

Nguyen says he thinks families from certainethnic groups tend to discourage interracialdating.

"In Asian families, there is a lot of parentalpressure to date in the [same] ethnicity," hesays. "Nowadays, Asian parents discourageinterracial dating more [than Caucasianfamilies]."

That makes the College a particularlyattractive place to date interracially, becausefamilies are far away and can't easily check up onstudents.

"Your parents don't need to find out," Nguyensays. "You don't have to take it home.:"

An Asian-American first-year student, forexample asked to remain anonymous in this articlebecause her parents are not aware she is currentlydating a Black undergraduate.

The first-year says she thinks her parentsgeneration has more difficulty acceptinginterracial dating than her peers do.

"When I am with other Asian Parents, they willlook at me funny but won't say anything," she says"Among my friends, it is not a big deal at all."

But many of her peers who accept the idea"would not think of [dating interracially]themselves," she says.

"People will have problems with it for a longtime to come," the first years says. "I don't feelthat people are very comfortable with racialdifference, especially as applied to issues ofdating and marriage."

She says anti miscegenation laws that went offthe books decades ago still cast a long shadowover the contemporary dating scene.

"Barely 50 years ago certain races weren'tallowed to marry other races,"she says."There'sstill a lot of residue from that."

Inter-Faith

Craig Briskin '94 says the experience of datinginterracially is similar to carrying on arelationship with someone of a different faith.

Briskin, who is Jewish says the Harvardcommunity is accepting of inter-faith romance, butthat parents can pressure children to refrain fromdating outside their religion.

Brisken says his parents make it clear thatthey want him to date only other Jewish students.

"It wouldn't make a difference [what race] theywere if they were not Jewish," says Briskin, whohas tried, unsuccessfully to date outside hisfaith. "Not Jewish is the main issue right now."

Brisken says interfaith relationships can leadstudents to question how they view their owncultural identity.

"It's made me wonder what about this identityis important to me," he say "Before I was contentnot defining myself. When it comes to dating, youhave to decide how much you want to let yourparents influence you."

But Snodgrass and Nguyen say the disapproval offamily or friends should not discourageindividuals relationships. Snodgrass says any kindof interracial relationships, whether a friendshipor a romance, is a beneficial experience for bothparties.

"I don't think you should limit yourexperiences by only hanging out with people ofyour own race," she says. "You can always learnfrom contact with people outside of your race."

Still many individuals who date interraciallyare those who don't strongly identify with theirown ethnic group students say.

Nguyen, for example says he grew up in a whitesuburb and did not date other Asians. Because ofhis lack of exposure to other minorities, he doesnot strongly identify with his own heritage.

"If you are dating a white person it could bebecause you act just like a white person but youhave slanty eyes," Nguyen says, "or it could beyou are so exotic that the person wants to seewhat you are like."

But those looking for a cross-culturalexperience in their romances can be disappointed.Kleinberg says she does not feel she is learningabout Chinese culture from her boyfriend because"he doesn't know that much about his culture."

Students with strong ties to their culturalbackground, she says, don't tend to haveinterracial relationships.

"The most radical people in ethnic groupdiscourage any kind of interrelating, dating orotherwise," Kleinberg says.

What's Interracial?

Not everyone sees race as an issue in theirromance. Rita Dai' 94 says she is currentlyinvolved in an interracial relationship but "itdoesn't feel like it."

Dai, who is Asian-American says that she doesnot view the relationship as interracial becauseboth she and her white boyfriend, Eugene "Gino"Mirabelli '94 are United States citizens.

"I am American; he's American, she says.

Dai says she thinks all relationships have todeal with differences in backgrounds, not justinterracial relationships.

"Everyone grows up in a different family, witha culture specific to your family," she says. "Youmay have more differences [in an interracialrelationship] but they'll be there anyway."CrimsonJohn C. MitchellRACHEL KLEINBERG '94 says Harvard allows forinterracial dating.