The Shark Attack

I'm into trivia. Sports minutiae of all shapes and sizes. Famous Brazillian soccer players. Past winners of the Masters--every year back to 1934. Great pitching rotations of the seventies. Things like that.

Often I spring such questions on my friends. Like, say, "What four teams were in the 1986 NCAA Basketball Final four?" A true tip-in, this: Louisville, Duke, Kansas and LSU.

If I'm in a particularly foul mood, I'll get tougher: "who kicked the game-winning field goal in Super Bowl V?" Jim O'Brien, Baltimore Colts, to defeat Dallas 16-13.

And if I'm really pissed off, I might go for the jugular: "But can you name five players on the San Jose Sharks?"

I gave this to one of my friends the other day; much to my surprise he said that he thought he could get it.

"OK, OK, um....Irbe!"

Arturs Irbe, the brilliant Lativian goalie. "Yep, that's one."

"Uh, uh...Herbert, Herbert whatever his name is?"

I gave him partial credit; Guy Hebert plays for another expansion, the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim. "That's pitiful. Are You reading the listing off of the Sega Genesis game or are you just reciting them from memory?"

"That's not fair. OK, how about someone named Garpenlov?"

"Yes Johan Garpenlov; he got the game-winner in Game Four against the Red Wings, methinks."

"Oh, I'm so close. Karpov?"

"No, he plays chess."

"Damn. Oh I give up."

Nobody knows who these guys are. Unbelievable: the San Jose Sharks have already flashed past Detroit, the Western Conference number-one seed coming into the playoffs, and now they have stolen the home-ice advantage from third-seeded Toronto and what people remember is a roster sounding like a role call from the Russian Republics.

Viktor Kozlov. Igor Larionov. Vlastimil Kroupa. Sandis Ozolinsh. The list reads longer then War and Peace.

Of course, Grapenlov is a Swede (you need United Nations assistance to understand some of the conversations in San Jose's locker room), and there is your usual smattering of Americans, Canadians and Rhode Islanders.

But Coach Kevin Constantine has somehow overcome the language barrier to teach his team the fundamentals of team defense, and just as Florida almost rode John Vanbiesbrouck to the playoffs in its first year of NHL existence, San Jose has a true cash cow in Irbe, who outshined the Maple Leafs' more Heralded Felix Potvin in Game One.

Doug Gilmour, considered by some to be the NHL's best active player, was held to only one assist last night; Dave Andreychuk, his high-flying left-wing partner, was shut out.

It's not always pretty hockey, but it works. As Constantine said at the season's start, "This team will be ready to play every night," and Detroit's Scotty Bowman may have lost his coaching job thanks to the doings of Constantine's Dirty Half-dozen.

When you consider that another team with the 16th-best regular season record made it to the Stanley Cup Finals only three years ago (Minnesota), who knows, Maybe the Sharks have what it takes to be the answer to a more meaningful trivia question than "Which team popularized teal uniforms?"