Rough Days In Sports

I got a call an hour ago from the sports editor, Sean Wissman, asking me to write a column for today.

No problem. But there was a catch.

Can you do it about something besides baseball?" he inquired.

My watch stopped ticking. The planets froze in their orbits. A column not about baseball?

Well, I agreed, so here I am, wallowing about the sports page sans my favorite topic.

To prepare for this most difficult of assignments, I picked up the sports page and scanned the AP wire, and I couldn't believe some of the things I saw.

I thought the most recent heavyweight bout was Holyfield-Moorer. Boy, was I surprised.

On Saturday night, the Atlanta Hawks and Miami Heat spent seven minutes beating each other's brains out after Heat player Grant Long put a hard foul on Hawk Duane Ferrell. After an exchange of words, Long started to choke Ferrell and both benches cleared.

Police were called onto the court to stop the fight.

Multimillionare adults beating each other up. Lovely image.

Oh, and I almost forgot. Heat assistant coach Alvin Gentry had to leave the game with an injured hand.

Aren't the coaches supposed to control the players?

I know Sean didn't want baseball in here, but I don't see him anywhere, so...

A brawl occurred in Montreal Saturday when Pedro Martinez threw a little chin music to Padre Derek Bell. It didn't hit Bell, but he charged Martinez anyway, and the Padres and Expos went 12 rounds.

These guys are risking serious injury just to retaliate. Who says the age of the sensitive man is dead?

(Sean is back, so I'll evacuate the topic of baseball for the moment.)

Enough is enough. Professional sports should take a page out of the NHL's book and crack down on violent conduct. (Dale Hunter, are you listening?)

It's more than just fighting. Professional players egos seem to be more inflated than Macy's Thanks-giving Day balloons.

How about the sight of Jim "Sticks and stones do break my bones, and words hurt like dickens" Everett, who attacked ESPN's Jim Rome on-air for calling him "Chrissy Everett" during a talk show?

(Personally, I think the only individual who has a right to be offended is the tennis champ herself.)

There was also the wonderful verbal war between Indianapolis Colts (as opposed to Baltimore CFL Colts!) GM Bill Tobin and Baltimore-based ESPN draft analyst Mel Kiper.

Kiper tore into Tobin for choosing Trev Alberts over Trent Dilfer in the NFL draft last Sunday.

Tobin responded by saying that because he was from Baltimore, Kiper had some kind of bias against the NFL Colts. (Now why would he suppose a thing like that?)

Real mature, guys.

At any rate, the debate was replayed over and over again, another winner for the ESPN highlight reels.

Then there's the case of Baltimore Oriole relief pitcher Jim Poole. (Yup, I'm back to baseball.)

When this writer approached him for an autograph earlier this season, he said. "I'm sorry, but the fans down in the bullpen were rude to me, so I'm not gonna sign."

Waaaahhhhhh! Poor Jimmy. My heart bleeds for ya, pal.

Someone, help me, please. I don't want to see fights.

I don't want some oversensitive prima donna refusing autograph requests.

And for gosh sakes, I don't want to see commentators fighting on network TV.

I'm not asking players and commentators to be role models. Sir Charles is right. But the fans deserve better.