AIDS In the Ivory Tower

Last summer, I had a friend tell me that she'd had unprotected sex. Her voice low, her eyes refusing to meet mine, she tried to explain why she had not persuaded her partner a man she's known for only two weeks to use a condom.

"I don't know why I didn't" was all she said. "I wasn't thinking. I usually use some sort of protection." Then she laughed, a nervous, high, laugh. "I used to be on the pill," she told me. "I stopped about two months ago. This is the first time in while I haven't been careful."

I was shocked by the fact that she had taken no precautions. I just listened to her, unsure of how to respond.

After all, what could I really say?

It seemed like something out of a sex education brochure or even a Harvard Peer Contraceptive Counseling workshop.

But it was frighteningly real. The woman standing in front of me was no wide eyes first year. She was a recent graduate of a liberal arts college who was planning to pursue her Ph.D. in English literature at one of the finest universities in the country. I had always admired her for her sharp mind, her sense of humor, her ability to always seem so completely put together and at ease.

She still hadn't protected herself.

As college students, we all know about protecting ourselves. Here at Harvard, we have Peer Contraceptive Counselors and AIDS Education and Outreach, bot of Which hold workshop and events designed to foster awareness about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases. There are free condoms handed out during Condom Week and AIDS awareness Week. The media continually blitzes us with information, ranging from glossy covers on Time and Newsweek to dire warnings on talk shows.

The message by now is clear: the safest sex is no sex, but if you're going do it, you sure as hell should use a condom.

The Centers for Disease Control an prevention and the American College Health Association estimate that one out of Every 500 college students is (0.2 percent) is HIV positive. The estimated rate for the General population is twice that, one out of 250 people (0.4 percent). Yet while the numbers may seem to some miniscule, AIDS experts remain wary. "You still have risky behavior going on college campuses," a CDC spokesperson said in October, 1993 New York Times article. "it's misleading to think you're not at risk because you're a college student."

Although the numbers of HIV positive students on college campuses are less than in the general population, the actual prevalence of HIV infection among college and university students is not known. HIV infection acquired in college may not result in recognizable AIDS until long after commencement.

In addition, although may students are seeking out testing, experts fear that those who need it the most are not getting it. While private universities have more resources and have been making a more consistent effort to educate university students on campus, often students at financially strapped college do not receive to benefits of either AIDS education or testing.

There is a sense among many students on college campuses of living in a so-called "ivory tower." We may know some of the statistics about AIDS and even about sexually transmitted diseases, but it's been intellectualized, rationalized into nothingness.

Despite all the media coverage and national hype, there is a sense that AIDS is something remote, relevant only to small percentages of the population. "HIV and AIDS has forced us to face things that we liked to have behind closed doors," says Linda Frazier, a health educator at University Health Services. "It brings to the forefront all of our differences and hang ups about what the realities of our lives are. We want to believe that it's US versus THEM, the morally right. versus those who just don't act right. We're not willing to address our own sexuality."

Part of the problem in living in a society where sex is constantly present but is still taboo as a conversational topic. The media and advertisers send out messages of sex in the same breath that they caution us about AIDS.

We're supposed to want sex, as it's presented in television and movies and pin up posters, but at the same time we're told that it can kill us, infect us with disease. An advertisement with two people passionately kissing is next to public service warning about AIDS in a subway station. They're conflicting messages, to say the least.

According to Richard Keeling, M.D., in his book AIDS on the College Campus, college students may be "sexually inactive in word but sexually active by deed." Students may deny sexual desire cognitively in the same moment that they are responding to it physically.

Unfortunately, sexual activity for many is still tinged with guilt due to personal upbringing or ingrained value systems. Those uncomfortable with their bodies or their sexuality may ultimately find that when it comes down to it, they are unable to discuss sex openly. Sex, especially casual sexual encounters, is often still something that occurs literally--and figuratively--in the dark.

Our parents may have the Sexual Revolution, but while free love was the trend in the seventies, it's now fraught with the perils of disease. "We've been educated about the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases, but we haven't been educated on how to be comfortable with our bodies.

Rationally, we know that we're supposed to ask our partners about their sexual histories, yet very few of us feel comfortable actually doing that. Despite the fact that we live in a society saturated with images of sex, we still haven't learned how to be at ease placing it into mainstream discourse.

Until we are willing to confront our own sexuality, we will still be in denial. A recent survey of American women revealed that 84 percent of the respondents, when asked about sexually transmitted diseases, agreed with the statement that "It won't happen to me."

Yet women between the ages of 15 and 24 in this country are actually at the highest risk for all sexually transmitted diseases. In 1992, the number of women with AIDS climbed 9.8 percent, while the number of men climbed only 2.5 percent. Various studies have shown that it may be anywhere from seven to 18 times easier for a man to infect a woman than vice versa.

With these statistics, one would think women would be more cautious, using protection such as condoms before each sexual encounter. Many are. Many more are not. Despite all the advances of the women's movement, a woman who takes control of her own sexuality is sometimes regarded with suspicion. It's 1994, and "nice" girls still aren't supposed to have casual sexual encounters.

But then, It's 1994, and women in their teens and early twenties are being infected with the AIDS virus at alarming rates. The most recent statistics show that while the adults ratio of HIV infection in the United States is eight men to one woman, for adolescents it is 1.7 men to one woman. For the latter, it's a little too close for comfort.

I didn't know all of these statistics last summer, as I sat with my fired in the warm midday sun. I watched the expression on the tanned face as she explained that they'd come back late to his apartment, they were both a little tipsy, and he'd forgotten to go to the drugstore earlier to buy condoms..."You know how it is," she said, awkwardly.

"It won't happen again" she assured me, brushing her hair off her shoulders. Her voice was tense, defensive even. I felt I should be delivering a safe sex message. Or running to the drugstore to buy her a supply of Trojans. But would I be telling--or doing--anything that she really didn't already know about?

"It's my responsibility," she told me. It was--and still is. But it's one some of us still have yet to acknowledge.