Be My Valentine?

Dear Norma,

My boyfriend in on a diet, I think. He only eats lettuce.

Normally he just has to put up with a lot of comments like "you know, that's mostly water." But with Valentine's Day coming up, there's a new problem. Everyone knows February 14 is a day for Giving Godiva chocolates. But will my boyfriend accept them? Nougat Lover in North

Dear Nougat,

Your boyfriend sounds like a puzzle. It sounds as if he may, indeed, be dieting, or perhaps "The Carving Board" simply does not agree with him. In any case, I think your boyfriend will respond to a box of chocolates in one of two ways.

Possibility #1: "Oh, how sweet of here. I'll just send these to my mother."

Possibility #2: "oh, how sweet of you. Stand back, baby, I got a date with Lady Godiva."

Possibility #3: "Oh, thank God, food!"

In the event of possibility #3, inform your boyfriend of Harvard Dining Service's new menu cards with nutritional information. No one at Harvard need live that way, ever again.

Hey Norma,

Let met tell you about a fella I know with a hot little number of a girlfriend. She likes "Grape Nuts" for breakfast. That's right, he has breakfast with her. Norma, that fella is me.   Capt. XY, Esq.

Dear Capt. XY,

Oh.

This column is not a "show and tell" forum, Captain. Fish stories may be acceptable among your "crew," but not here. "FM" stand for "Family Magazine," mister.

Something tells me, however, that we'll be hearing a lot more from the Cap'n.

Dear Norma,

I find the little inside jokes listed under "The Weather" on your front page to be unprofessional, distracting, and disrespectful to me, the reader. Why the exclusive cliqueishness, Crimson?   Subscriber in Strauss

Dear Subscriber,

I'm afraid that you've mistaken "Norma Knows" for "Raj Will Check Up on That." Raj Shourie '95, newly-appointed ombudsperson of The Harvard Crimson, is your Reader Representative. Inquiries such as yours should be directed to Raj at 495-9666.

Dear Norma

Valentine's Day is almost here, and I don't have a Valentine. What advice can you give me?   Loveless in Lowell

Dear Loveless,

Keep in mind that our Gregorian Calendar has undergone many reforms in its long history. Many dates of our holidays are quite arbitrary. There is no reason to think February 14 is the real Valentine's Day. There is no "deadline" for love. Love respects no timetable, no petty human conceptions of time. Every day can be Valentine's Day. Bask in the glory of love 365 days a year.

Oh. But I guess you can't do that. Sorry.