EQUAL RIGHTS FOR TURKEYS

Once again we've come to the time of year when you don't want to be a turkey. Those glory days of turkey-hood have long ago passed, sad to say. Back in the 1780s, the wild turkey almost became our national symbol; now it's just a symbol of ridicule and distilled spirits.

As it happened, the wild turkey was deemed just too ugly and pedestrian to represent our nation. Even at Harvard, this view persists. You don't see the "Turkey Club" along with the Phoenix, Owl and Porcellian. (At the same time, they don't call the Porcellian the "Ham Sandwich.") What stands the boring, nocturnal owl above the turkey? Why do those musty 'old-barn' men prefer "oink" to "gobble?"

Even our nation's armed forces have eschewed the turkey and its image. Sure, we have the F-15 Strike Eagle and the FA-18 Falcon, but what about the F-14A Tomcat and A-10 Warthog? We doubt that any warthog merits more respect and honor than a turkey.

If turkeys had graced the emblem of our great seals instead of eagles, we might not enjoy their succulent flesh every year in November. We don't exactly feast on bald eagles, who weren't always an endangered species, on any special day. But maybe bald eagles taste really good, and we just don't know. Here at Dartboard, we're pretty darn sure they taste like chicken.