DOING VIOLENCE RIGHT

We at Dartboard were appalled.

As the final seconds ticked down on the Harvard Stadium scoreboard last Saturday, a surreal melee ensued. Hundreds of seemingly disoriented Harvard students stormed the field to attack their Ivy League counterparts.

Punches were thrown, noses broken, and heads looked. It looked like the re-enactment of some pathetic Civil War battle. Some kid even managed to steal a Yale College flag. And dozens of smallish students were chased around by dozens of biggish students. It was thoroughly ridiculous.

Of course, we at Dartboard are never opposed to violence per se. Just inept violence.

We can appreciate the primal urge to descend from the stands in order to exact revenge on the victorious Elis. After all, they had the poor taste to win by almost twenty points in our own backyard.

In the interest of student excellence, we just hope that before the event moves to New Haven next year, Crimson fans will take a few boxing lessons. Or some karate. Even wrestling will do.

Or, perhaps to demonstrate Harvard's solidarity with the urban proletariat, students could brandish semi-automatic firearms. We hear that these devices require less instruction and are far more effective than bare knuckles.

Perhaps the Undergraduate Council could hold a pep rally with weapons as door prizes. We cannot resist nominating the newly-proposed John Harvard pilgrim mascot for target practice.

Regardless, with the blue blood spilling on the turf, the alumni must have been proud. Nothing brings a tear to the eye like witnessing scores of overprivileged, drunken hooligans making fools out of themselves.