ALTERNATIVE SCHOOL SPIRIT

We're hoping that Harvard loses The Game today, and for a very good reason. A crummy football team is often the surest sign of a strong academic program. Not just in the Ivy League, mind you, where teams can compete for the laurels of the lamest. Outside the Ancient Eight, Stanford consistently displays their declining scholarship by winning football games. Why, their ex-coach went on to lead the San Francisco 49ers, who haven't had a Rhodes Scholar since sports was dropped from the selection criteria! Only teams with records reeking of futility, such as the University of Chicago's Maroons, can claim to uphold the tradition of the nation's finest institutions of higher learning. No matter how much it pains us, we at Harvard must learn to see excellence in mediocrity.