All Those Empty Seats

Lately, the Harvard fans have gotten a lot of abuse.

Fellow sports cubist David Griffel chastised them for their tranquility. And then the news department comes out with a story about how attendance is down at football games.

And you know what, so-called sports fans? You ain't seen nothing yet.

I'm mad at you. No, I'm not mad, I'm pissed. No, I'm not pissed, I'm utterly infuriated.

Because you all just suck.

Do you remember where you were at 2:30 on October 11? Well, I know where you weren't.

That's because I was the only, I repeat, the only person sitting on the stands behind the Harvard field hockey bench at the start of their game. William and Mary had about 20 parents present then, and during the player introductions they were clapping and cheering.

When it was Harvard's turn, only players cheered, since reporters like me can't show partiality.

The fact that no one cared enough to show up--that's just said.

Oh, some people come--friends or roommates of players, usually. And these brave souls ought to be sainted.

But fans don't come in flocks, numbers that would cause the other team to notice.

When was the last time that someone in your entryway take part in a musical or play? Did you go, feeling a sense of duty, even if you wouldn't have otherwise?

Most people would answer "yes" to that. When somebody is in an a capella concert, or Bach Society, or whatever, and this person has a performance, he or she will ask every acquaintance to attend.

But have you ever seen a women's soccer player do that? Both the men's and the women's teams have a shot at winning the Ivy League title, but have you ever been to a game? How about water polo? (Yes, there are men's and women's teams, and you shouldn't have had to ask) Lacrosse? Tennis?

How about baseball, dammit?

Even if the National Pasttime is on strike, that doesn't mean that Harvard won't play this year. Of course, it's not like anyone cares. Fenway Park was practically bursting its seams with 121 fans for last year's Beanpot.

Seriously, Harvard's athletic department and the Crimson could get together and make up all the outcomes of every sport this year.

Perhaps Harvard isn't the place for sports fans, but I don't think so.

Last weekend, I was down at Princeton with Dave Griffel to cover the field hockey, women's soccer, and football teams.

All three, I repeat, all three events had a decent fan representation.

I cannot believe that Harvard has a monopoly on the sports-averse.

Honestly, I think that many people here could enjoy themselves at games. They could even have lots of fun.

But it isn't the "in" thing to do. It's common knowledge that nobody goes to sporting events besides men's hockey and football.

And football is more of a social event than a show of fan support--kind of a Saturday afternoon mixer. No one stands up and yells, "DeeeFeeennseee!!!"

Doing so simply is not trendy. And Lord knows, no Harvard student would ever dare stray from the crowd.

Meanwhile, the teams play. Players look at the stands, and see empty aluminium, so used to it that they are unaffected.

No matter the score of the game, they always lose out.