DRESSED TO IMPRESS

To wear a suit or not to wear a suit? That was the question for many of the over-eager visitors to Harvard's annual Career love-in. Some made the mistake of reaching an affirmative conclusion.

And, as Harvard always wishes to promote the best in us all, each booth was dedicated to management consulting or investment banking. After all, those are the only careers that Harvard students have any real interest in. Money is what life is all about. Money and more real cash money.

So, one might wonder, what techniques were most effective in securing gainful employment for the coming year--including all those fringe benefits? The suit probably only hurt your chances, as the kids right out of college whom you met will most likely be screening your resume before the interview process. And bankers and consultants like eagerness, but they don't like dorkiness.

The best technique we at Dartboard witnessed was the combination of exotica. One confident undergrad revealed to an investment bank that he had devoted his academic career to swap derivatives, which he believed complemented his other talent: fluent Mandarin Chinese.

"Asuhh! Auhh! Auhh!" the recruiter grunted with glee, emitting those strange noises reminiscent of Rob Schneider's "Orgasm Guy" on Saturday Night Live. What human being could be more worthy, more desirable than a 22-year-old who can trade inverse floaters in Hong Kong?