Tommy, Can You Hear Us?

Two years ago, we mourned the departure of the original Tommy from his Mount Auburn Street shrine to grease and raspberry-lime rickeys. But we survived. The new owners kept the grease and rickeys coming, along with the infamous service. Sure, we saw the new pizza ovens and the mice running under them, but it was still Tommy's.

Now, some yuppifying entrepreneur named McHale wants to turn Tommy's di Cambridge into Fiore di Calabria, or some similarly pansy place. What business does McHale have creating a blissful haven for seekers of Gallo Special Reserve in the space between Quincy and Adams? What business does he have using an Italian name to describe something increasingly "New American"? What business does he have serving almost 100 percent fat-free pizza?

McHale can't go halfway. If you want to serve pizza, you have to have grease. If you want to serve fries, you have to have grease. If you want to maintain Tommy's current clientele into the wee hours, you have to have grease.

Making the food healthier might bring in a few pre-med expats from the Science Center's Greenhouse--what with "garden salad pizza" and all--but say goodbye to the usual crowd. Many students grew up hanging out with their friends in greasy pizza joints, not juice bars straight from "Thirtysomething."

McHale clearly thinks that "bigger portions, tastier food, wider variety and, most of all, healthier food" will bring in more patrons. Sure, the first two sound good, as long as McHale can think of a better deal for a hungry diner than a small cheese pizza for $3.25.

But wider variety--hopefully we're not heading into the range of the "Chinese Food-Pizza-Donuts" places that dot the West Coast--and healthier food could well come at the expense of promise number two: taste. After all, only sugar, fat and herbs make food taste like anything. More oregano? No thanks; we'll keep the grease.

There's something indulgent about eating greasy pizza, fries or steak and cheese subs. You know it'll kill you, but, like THE Breakfast Sandwich, it's too satisfying to resist.

We're sure McHale is only interested in profit margins. His suggestions may appear rosy, perfect for that bistro on West 57th in New York. But take it from us--Tommy's operates in a niche no health foods can fill.