`Mr. T' Visits Lampoon Castle

Sporting his trademark mohawk, gold chains adorned with silverware, massive hoop earrings (three per ear) and five rings, Hollywood celebrity Mr. T made a colossal appearance at a Lampoon informational meeting last night.

"Is there a Mr. T comp?" bellowed a deep, brute voice in the comedy library of the purportedly comical magazine. "Because...I'm the best Mr. T on campus!"

Despite his impressive argumentative ability, Mr. T will not be vying for a spot on the Lampoon, but will instead be returning to the steps of the building today at 3:00 p.m. to receive an honorary award.

Currently in town to promote his comic book "Mr. T and the T Force," the former A-Team star issued a few comic exchanges with the magazine's members, reaffirming his fear of flying and displaying his impressive familiarity with Kenny Rogers lyrics.

"You gotta know when to hold `em, know when to fold `em," Mr. T. recited.

Much Shorter

"It was a thrill," said Mia Genoni `96, a prospective comper who said she was stunned not only by Mr. T's appearance but also his height. "He's shorter...much shorter," she said.

After chatting for a few minutes, Mr. T exited the building, trailed by a horde of fans.

He answered questions, shook hands and after accidentally knocking over a student's bicycle, offered to buy her a new one.

Finally begging off, Mr. T said his appetite needed fixing, inquired about dinner--and then sailed away in a white limousine.

"I'm a big Mr. T. fan," said Jim Tierney `96 after the event. "I was pretty impressed."