These Wings Don't Fly

O.K., somebody's got to ask: What was up with those monstrous turkey drumsticks we had for lunch yesterday? They looked like something out of a medieval feast at King Arthur's roundtable, and they tasted like they'd been sitting around under a heat lamp since then.

And what genius of poultry anatomy decided to label them turkey "wings"? If those were wings, it's no wonder turkeys can't fly.

Now, I can understand the Harvard Dining Services' philosophy that calls for buying in bulk when the local food distributor is having a blue light special. When ground round prices drop by 20 cents a pound on the beef market, for example, Harvard's experts in edible commodities should stock up. Think of the possibilities: hamburgers, tacos, meatloaf, meatballs.

But turkey drumsticks? There isn't much you can do with turkey drumsticks, except maybe marinate and roast them, which it appears the chefs at HDS tried to do yesterday. I'm not sure what the marinade consisted of, exactly, but I'm not sure it matters, either. Somewhere along the line, it appears the ill-fated legs were popped into a vacuum pump for freeze-drying.

I tried eating the things, really I did. I chipped away at a drumstick, pried off a morsel, chewed, and chewed some more. When it got lodged in my throat, I drank some soda to get it down. Big mistake. I expect it will float around in my gastrointestinal tract, chewing gum style, for the next seven years.

Not content with my one-sided analysis of this latest HDS offering, I asked fellow Crimson editor Andrew L. Wright '96 what he thought of the turkey legs.

His response was terse: "Nasty."

Value-shopping is one thing. But the next time turkey legs are the discount item-of-the-week at the local butcher shop, Harvard's food buyers should recognize that something is afowl.