Harvard's Computer Wasteland

Unknown as it is to the rest of the world, Virginia Tech will always hold a special place in my heart. I grew up nestled among the towering limestone buildings of the university. The nurturing placidity of the small college town around Tech Kindled in me many of the qualities and traits I have brought with me to Harvard: my ethical sense, my determination--

And, of course, my addiction to e-mail.

Most people have to wait until they actually get into college to get involved with cyberspace. But with the resources of a university at my disposal, I was using words like "ftp," "MUD," "emacs" and "teinet" even before I graduated from lil' ol' Blacksburg High School.

The computer hackers at Virginia Tech enjoy a relatively well-developed computer network. There are at least 25 super computers run by the school's Computer Center. In addition, various departments have their own machines connected to the international network known as the Internet. Every on-campus dorm room is connected to the data network on 9600 baud lines, which are independent of the telephone lines. That means, of course, that you'll have no problems with call waiting interrupting your modern or with roommates who seem to have phone receivers grafted to their face.

As a verified, certified, card-carrying addict, when I learned that I was going to go to Harvard with its $5.1 billion endowment, my first thought wasn't, "Oh, now my education can flourish under the unique Harvard Experience." My first thought was, "World Better computer systems"

So applied for a UNIX account the first day I arrived at Harvard. Luckily, my account was ready the next day, and I waltzed on over to the Science Center, happy as a virus on a 200 megabyte hard drive. (Computer humor. You're supposed to laugh.)

I avoided the PC terminals because I couldn't figure out how to nevigate the green-and-blue menu systems. And I avoided the amber-text VT230s, just because they annoy me.

The logical choice, then, was to use the Mac-intoshes in the basement of the Science Center. I figured out how to call up my account and then sent out dozens of email messages to my friends on the net all over the world. And after about ten minutes, I had a splitting headache.

All the computers are protected against theft with a series of locks and clamps. Whoever set up the security system, in a brilliant flash of ignorance, clamped the power cord to the monitor.

If your remember your high school physics class, you should know that a length of wire with an electric current running through it generates a magnetic field--the stronger the current, the stronger the magnetic field. And if you ever watched Mr. Wizard, you should remember him showing how a magnetic field can distort a television image.

As a result, all of the Macintosh monitors in the Science Center basement flicker almost imperceptibly and produce slightly warped images. The effect is just significant enough to give any user a headache after a few minutes.

Terrific.

I also discovered that I was the member of yet another minority group at Harvard. For some reason, the campus is geared towards Macintosh users.

Usually, the college publishes only Macintosh versions of programs needed for match classes. Most introductory level Computer Science courses use compilers written for the Mac. Those of us with IBMs are forced to pick down to the Science Center and the Harvard's Amazing Flickering Macintoshes.

At Virginis Tech, there is a large collection of free and "shareware" software available for copying in the library, for Macs, IBMs and even Amigas. At Harvard, although there is a small collection of shareware available for the Mac, there is no such library for IBM users.

Why should I be asked to start using Macs after eighteen happy years of IBM use?

Harvard is the worst place to learn about computers. At Virginis Tech, there is one computer assistant hotline, staffed by a competent group of technicians who can actually answer any question you might have.

While doing research for this piece, I tried to get in touch with the Office of Information Technology (OIT) to get information on how a Harvard undergraduate could access the Lexis/Nexis information database. This service can access government documents, legal decisions and briefs, news archives and other useful tidbits of information.

First, I called OIT General Information. The receptionist referred me to a promising number--the Computing Hotline. The person who answered the phone transferred me to something called network information. There, I was advised to call network consulting.

Finally, I was given the number for Harvard computer user assistance. I was greeted by voice mail, which put me on hold while my call was "transferred to a user assistant." I let the phone ring for about six minutes. Finally, a friend told me to press 0 before the voice mail message started, and I got connected to the user assistants in the basement of the Science Center.

Most of the assistants didn't even know what Lexis/Nexis was. The one that did referred me to the librarian's office. They referred me to the government documents division, where I finally discovered that undergraduates do not have easy access to Lexis/Nexis. What little access, they do have, they have to pay for. (Similar access at Virginis Tech, incidentally, is free.)

Lexis access is only available to Law School faculty and students. If I wanted to do research using Nexis, I would have to make an appointment with the Kennedy school and pay a fee to do a search. I also discovered that Nexis is available for a fee at Baker Library, but this is such an obscure bit of information that I doubt anyone knows about it.

So imagine that you are a clueless frosh trying to figure out how to get access to the Lexis/Nexis services or how to send e-mail to his or her significant other at Princeton. The OIT bureaucracy can be a frightening place.

This is the lament of the computer addict. Woe be unto all ye hackers who choose Harvard! Beware the flickering terminal! Dread the OIT bureaucracy! Clutch thy IBM to thy bosom!

Harvard has contrived to make an undergraduate computer-addict's life miserable. What a senseless waste of $5.1 billion.