When You Care Enough...

'Tis now the season to stand in the Coop, Urban Outfitters, Wordsworth Abridged or some other card-vending establishment and make some decisions.

First, pick a holiday message you'd like to convey. Merry Christmas? Happy Hannukah? Or maybe just a secular Seasons Greetings?

Next, determine the style that best reflects you. What's it gonna be? Hallmarkish reindeer and snow-babies? Modernist menorahs? Computer graphic snowflakes?

Once you've made your purchase and brought your precious little box of cards home, you've still got to make the most important decision of all: who's on your list?

Maybe you watched your parents scratch their heads in bewilderment year after year as they struggled to cut and append to the family's Holiday Card List: If we sent a card to the Johnsons last year but the Johnsons dissed us, is it okay to dis them back this year? If the family dermatologist gets a card, does the family veterinarian get one too? How about the family insurance agent? What the hell is his name again?

Now it's your turn. You're an adult now, you're independent, you've got your own list to take care of. This is when and where the most valuable social and professional connections are formed: during the holiday season, through the U.S. mail.

Don't worry, though. With our handy Harvard Student's Holiday Card Checklist, you won't forget anyone you can't afford to slight.

If you're a pre-med: Don't forget your advisor, Dean Tosteson, the staff of Cabot Library, the Bic pen company--the folks that brought you ink in four colors. Don't bother to send one to the jerk in your orgo class who always hogs the reserve reading.

If you're recruiting: Send cards, resumes, and SAT scores to every hyphenated company listed at OCS. Send cards to friends who accuse you of "selling out," because you need to do all the networking you can.

If you're an Expos preceptor: Don't bother with cards. You should be more concerned with sending resumes.

If you're an Edge Man: Send cards to both of your girlfriends. They dig that shit. They might even go all the way.

If you're a Leverett resident: Send cards to Master John Dowling, House Superintendent Warren Nugent, and your intramural representatives. Yeah, Leverett!

If you're a first-year: Send cards to high school friends you keep saying you'll write to. And then give it up, already. You always knew they were dorks.

If you're a senior: Send a card to your first-year roommate. What the hell is his name again?