Welcome To Club Harvard

The annual Head of the Charles regatta brings visitors from all regions (of Andover and Exeter) to fair Cambridge this weekend. In the spirit of welcome we offer several dos and don't we hope will come in handy.

.Do sample the diverse and exciting social scene that is Harvard. We hear the party of the weekend will be in the basement of 29 Garden St.

.Do attend the races. We know that's why you really came.

.Do the "Harvey."

.Don't go to any final clubs. They're bastions of elitism, dammit. We know the last thing visiting prep-schoolers want is more of the same.

.Don't mess with the Harvard police. They're lean, mean law-enforcing machines.

.Don't miss your ride home, please. --David L. Bosco & Brad E. White

I've been waiting for a week and a half for Dean L. Fred Jewett '57 to have me over to his place for drinks. After his comments about drinking in a controlled, discussion-promoting atmosphere, I felt sure an invite was in the works. But there's more to it than that.

Before my Quincy A and B Entryways study break on Wednesday, I saw signs proclaiming that "pizza, wings, and champagne" would be served. "Aha," I thought, "Fred's putting his money where his mouth is!" But no, my housemates and I were deprived of the beautiful bubbly that evening.

On Thursday night, I felt sure that the gloriously underaged sophomores of Quincy House would be treated to some potent potables at the dinner in their honor. Sure enough, there along with Dean Archie C. Epps III were several bottles of sherry and aperitifs. But no, my inquiry about their availbility to students was heartily rejected. So what's the deal, Fred? Where are those responsible happy hours? I'm waiting, snifter in hand.   --Dan Altman '96

The latest Mansfield affair has led to some interesting conversations among students, who are quick to apply their own experiences to the issue. The following was overheard in the Yard:

Crimson Reader #1:

Geez, that Mansfield can say anything. He's got nothing to lose.

Crimson Reader #2:

Nothing frees the tongue like tenure.

Crimson Reader #1:

I guess it's like being drunk all the time.

The Crimson cordially requests that any student feeling like Harvey Mansfield after becoming drunk let us know.   --John Aboud III

Top 10 Lies Told By First-Years

10. I really don't remember what I got on the S.A.T.

9. I'm not studying that much.

8. Of course I'm 21, officer.

7. My computer crashed. Honestly.

6. I thought today was the deadline for the rough draft.

5. I have plans for this weekend.

4. Of course I'm getting enough sleep, Mom.

3. I Passed the QRR the first time.

2. Chem 10 really isn't that bad.

1. No, really, I am 21.   --Lori E. Smith & Co.