Should he sow his wild oats in a clinic?

Dear Norma,

All these changes in final club membership rules have me confused. I'd like to ask my friend to punch me for the Porcellian, but the problem is, he thinks I am a woman. Actually, I'm genetically male but androgen-insensitive, so only my phenotype is female. How can I bring up the subject and let him know I'd like to join the club? XY who wants to be P.C.

Dear XY,

I don't know what you're worried about. The Porcellian Club members seem to be P.C. pretending to be real XY, so I'd say you'd fit in quite well. On the other hand, I can see that your predicament might pose a slight problem. How about casually dropping a hint during dinner: "So how was your day? Say, uh, what's your genetic makeup?" might just do the trick. And if you can't join the Porc, there's always the Fly (maybe next year). As a last resort, look into a well-hidden secret for a great social life: comp the Crimson--it's P.C. and filled with real XYs.

Dear Norma,

My roommate has decided to become a sperm donor. I'm not sure how I feel about him selling his body products, but he seems to have no qualms about it. I'd really like the money myself so I've thought about it a lot, but it just seems wrong. Also, his significant other doesn't know about his plan. Am I right or is he? How can I convince him not to go through with this? Please, Norma, answer quickly--time is running out.   Sleepless in Somerville

Dear Sleepless,

I don't think there's much that you can do affect his decision. I consulted a well-respected doctor friend of mine who assures me it's the perfect expression of male sexuality: jack off, no responsibility, spread your genes, and get paid to do it. Perhaps there's something else bothering you in your friendship that you still need to explore. For now, I'd concentrate on how you're feeling, and check out the support group for roomates of potential sperm donors at your local community center.

Dear Norma,

My roomate is aplying for a Rhodes scholarship. He has affected a British accent and will eat only kippers for breakfast. He addresses everyone as chap or my good fellow. I think he's full of shit and I'm ready to kill him. Is there a particularly British way of killing someone?   Damn Yankee

Dear Yankee,

The kippers should do it.