NO MIDDLE GROUND

Harvard may have won the No. I spot in U.S. News and World Report'ssurvey of America's top 10 colleges, but the school does not fare as well when it comes to the "social life" category.

The typical Harvard social life complaint, according to Barron's Top 50: An Inside Look at America's Best Colleges, goes something like this; "No one has relationships here; it's all one-night stands after too much Bud and play at sympathy over a Husky Club at the Tasty."

And according to Lisa Birnbach's New and Improved College Book, the worst thing about Harvard is that the "social life sucks."

This is not news to Harvard undergraduates. Currier House T-shirts this year boast, "At least we got screwed freshman year."

Despite Harvard's low social life ratings, many first-year students come to the College with high hopes for an active life and maybe even a relationship here or there.

"I had hopes," says Eliot Z. Fishman '92. "I definitely was looking forward to having a relationship here."

Jill S. Oxley '92 says, "I was planning to be more social than I had been in high school. I wasn't thinking of Harvard as being any better or worse for relationships. It was just a different environment."

After the novelty of college life fades, however, Harvard as an institution may seem less sympathetic to undergraduates looking for love. Students seeking a relationship face many challenge, including a demanding academic schedule and time-consuming extracurriculars.

"There are a lot of demands on your time-from academics and extracurriculars," says Jessica I. McBee '92.

Even the nature of life at the College may threaten relationships. According to The Insider's Guide to the College 1992,life at Harvard "is fast-paced and intense. Most students arrive at Cambridge with definite goals in mind and are willing to work hard to achieve them."

Harvard's social habits are representative of its diverse student body. But many complain that there is "no middle ground" here. Relationships are characterized by the two extremes: the one-night stand or the three year plus commitment.

For example, Mark J. Mindich '92 says he has been reduced to scamming, even in the spring of his senior year.

"I thought senior year was supposed to be better. I haven't really found one person to go out with. This spring, I'm no longer looking for that, It's more a scamming type of thing," says the Eliot House resident.

In contrast, McBee, who has bee seeing her boyfriend for three and a half years, says that her relationship has "helped her get through Harvard at times."

The two extremes, however, are probably not a product of students discontent, Assistant Professor of Sociology Victoria D. Alexander says that in the late '60s and early '70s, there was a change in the way couples view relationships.

"What does it mean to be 'dating someone'?" Alexander asks, questioning whether the label indicates that a couple is "sleeping together," or "Just having a good time," as was the case in the 1940s, '50s and early '60s.

Harvard students may feel better knowing this is a national trend, not just their bad luck, With the rise in co-ed schools, says Alexander, "It became more the norm to socialize in groups. Socializing--hanging out--has become much more informal."

Yet the two extremes persist at Harvard. Students "either move in together or 'hook up' for a weekend," says Fishman. "You don't see many people going out for a semester."

Jessica R. Saalfield '92 says a prime example of Harvard's casual attitude toward relationships is the house "Screw Your Roommate" dances, which often facilitate hooking up.

The Dudley Co-op resident says, however, that the number of engagements among seniors in the spring indicates that the other extreme is also alive and well at Harvard.

Unfortunately, students sometimes mistake a hookup for the beginnings of relationship, says Fishman. "There are very frequent misunderstandings. Someone's always looking for the long term thing from the hookup."

Mindich agrees, saying, "At other schools, people just kind of hook up, then go their separate ways and don't attach as much self-esteem to it. At this place, there aren't as many random hookups where no one expects anything from the other person."

Loneliness, peer pressure and the simple desire to "rack up some experience" are reasons why people resort to hook ups, according to Saalfield.

Although there are fewer hookups in the homosexual community because the population is smaller, "there's definitely experimentation," says Saalfield, who is bisexual.

Before love can lost its status as a "fourletter word," Harvard students must learn where to begin.

And many students say Harvard's structure does not provide adequate opportunities to meet members of the opposite sex.

"There aren't a lot of social outlets here," Fishman says. "There aren't that many real fraternizing opportunities."

"Harvard makes it tough to have a relationship," McBee says. "It's hard to meet someone, to begin with."

Social lives of first year students, for the most part, revolve around crowded, sweaty keg parties. Their upperclass peers, however, have numerous Cambridge bars and nine Harvard all-male final clubs to select from.

If couples don't meet at these prime locations, they can still meet their future soulmates through classes, the houses or extracurriculars, some students say.

"People tend to meet other people only in class, or section, or extracurriculars. or through friends," says McBee.

In McBee's case, section proved rewarding: The Quincy House resident met her boyfriend when, after noticing her in a Foreign Cultures class, he switched into her section in order to meet her.

Harvard's co-ed housing system also is a gold mine of opportunities for establishing a relationship, others say.

Living in such close quarters demystifies the opposite sex, says Leverett House resident tutor Ray J. LaRaja '87. "Just that simple interaction of plopping your tray down and talking to someone of the opposite sex after class in a non-threatening atmosphere" sets up a more comfortable dynamic between men and women, he says.

Once a relationship has been established, the house system can also help maintain it.

"The housing here at Harvard contributes to a pretty hassle-free relationship," says James D. Coady '92. At other schools, such as Boston University, he notes, restricted visiting hours for guests of the opposite sex can hamper a relationship "My friend at B.U. goes crazy," says the Mather House resident.

The house system "cements" relationships, say Ray and Taryn LaRaja '88. The two met through Leverett House public service projects when they were undergraduates. Now, they are married.

Once someone asks someone else out, says Ray, "Word gets out very quickly in the houses system. You're off limits."

Yet some houses may not be open to people who are not heterosexual, says Sandi L. DuBowski '92, co-chair of the Bisexual, Gay and Lesbian Student Association."

"The housing system probably allows people to be out only in certain environments here," DuBowski says. "You have a lot of people who are really closeted."

In fact, says the Dunster House resident, sometimes extracurriculars provide a more comfortable atmosphere for homesexuals than the house sys- tem. "Sometimes I joke that the way to be gayat Harvard is to stay closeted and join a finalclub, the Hasty Pudding [Club] or a singinggroup," he says.

"There aren't too many spaces to meet people ifyou are gay, lesbian or bi. I just wish there weremore avenues." DuBowski says.

Nto only does Harvard lag behind in thesocial scene, but the school also offers little inthe area of sex, some students say, According toFishman, the most exciting sex is enjoyedelsewhere. "The people who have the most frequentand varied sex that I know go to other schools,"the Leverett House resident says.

"I think sex between Harvard students usuallyonly comes in serious relationships. The one-nightstand thing doesn't usually happen at Harvard.That's at other schools." he continues, addingthat "I think Harvard students may be somewhatmore sexually inhibited."

Mindich says Harvard is known for its 'smartpeople,' not its promiscuous students. "There areprobably a lot more virgins who graduate fromHarvard than any other place," Mindich asserts.

"That's not a bad thing, but it would be niceto have both," says the Eliot House resident.

Other students, however, are willing to givetheir classmates more credit. "I think it prettymuch runs the spectrum," says Oxley. "I don'tthink it's a status symbol or anything. It's justsomething people choose to do or not do."

Many students agree that the "sexualatmosphere" at Harvard cannot be easily described,and that each individual views it differently.

"If I had been punched for a final club, Imight have something different to say," Fishmansays. "In my social group,. sex is very muchassociated with being in a relationship. Sex goeswith love."

Or maybe not, Mindich says that men generallywant sex on the first date. but are willing towait. "For some reason, the longer I have to wait.the longer [the relationship] lasts," he says."You build up more of the emotional."

No matter how experienced or inexperiencedHarvard students are, they love to talk about sex.

"Harvard is a liberal school, Nothing goeswithout mentioning here; people talk abouteverything. It's definitely out in the open,"Coady says. "If someone visits me from anotherschool, I think they're a bit surprised at theopenness."

Sex at Harvard was more "our in the open" thanusual when the April Esquire magazinedescribed the school's "sexual politics" to therest of America. Yet, many students say that"Sleeping with the Enemy," an article written byLinda M. Darling '72, depicted the schoolinaccurately.

The article, featuring the observations ofseveral Dunster residents, only focused on anarrow slice of the entire undergraduatepopulation, they say.

Mindich, who was interviewed for the piece,says that the piece "pissed me off That is not sexat Harvard" Mindich says not only were hiscomments not used, but he felt that Darling merelystereotyped him as one of the "preppies in EliotHouse."

Saalfield says she also objects to the article,especially its depiction of women at Harvard, "TheEsquire article portrayed Harvard Women aspretty pathetic," she says.

"I think she may have had specific intentionsin mind" from the beginning. Saalfield says aboutDarling. "I'm not sure she was hearing peopleopenly."

Both Saalfield and Mindich says they object tothe sticker on the issue's front cover, but fordifferent reasons. Saalfield felt the sticker,"How to Make Love to a Harvard Woman." wasdegrading to women Mindich, however, says it isinaccurate because many in thearticle"don't make love to Harvard women.

Though the AprilEsquire is off thenewsstands, Harvard students angst aboutrelationships continue. While many studentsridicule Darling's suggestions that love atHarvard is nearly impossible, they do say thatthere may be traits inherent to Harvard studentswhich make it difficult to find true love.

This is, after all, Harvard, whereintellectualism reigns supreme.

Mindich sees this trait as more harm than helpwhen it comes to relationships. "Harvard kind ofde-eroticizes everything." he says. "[Harvardstudents] think too much about everything, anddon't go as much with their emotions as theyought."

"They think about consequences, instead of justgoing with the spur-of-the-moment emotions.Everyone is afraid to get hurt. Everyone's gotbigegos," Mindich explains.

Harvard students are often their own harshestcritics, and some students says that thischaracteristic sometimes manifests itself in theirperceptions of relationships.

"I think people have high expectations forrelationships here,"; says Fishman. "They'redemanding about who they go out with, and of thosewho they go out with. It's the same reason they'redemanding of themselves. That's what Harvardstudents are like."

Although Fishman says the demands make for some"angst-ridden relationships," this may be positivein the long run. "People should have highexpectations," he says.

"I think everyone here has more respect forthemselves," agrees Mindich. "It's a little moredifficult to deceive here. 'You're beautiful, it's2 a.m., let's go back to my room' won't workhere," he says.

For homosexuals, other difficulties exist, saysDuBowski, Not only must homosexuals deal with apotentially hostile environment, they must alsolean to be accepting of their identity, he says,"Outness is really important in college," saysDuBowski.

Some students believe that it is theindividual, not the environment, which isresponsible for a student's social life.

"Across the board, you're going to find goodrelationships, and bad relationships, no matterwhat the school is," says Coady. "I'm sure peoplehave great relationships at Syracuse and lousyrelationships at Syracuse. The same can be saidhere," he says.

"Instead of looking at Harvard, and sayingHarvard's a lame place, [they should] look atthemselves and say, "maybe I'm a lame person, andI need to get my act together,'" Coady continues."I don't think they're a slave to the system."

And if a relationship can survive Harvard egosand social wasteland, there's still the challengeof surviving Harvard ambitions.

Post-Commencement plans are "something that Iknow a lot of people are really struggling withright now," says Fishman. "I know a lot of peoplein for some painful conversations over thesummer."

Although it is possible for a couple tocoordinate plans. Fishman says "that's a reallyhuge step to take.'

Perhaps more so than at other universities,Harvard's graduates scatter all over the world.Many Harvard seniors have definite post graduategoals, Some future plans include years spentoverseas, Fishman says, which makes itlogistically improbable for a couple to maintainthe close relationship they had in college.

A potential couple-for-life may find thatHarvard is not always marriage-friendly, saysMcBee. "You're expected to pursue a career orpursue an academic interest and postpone a longterm commitment. Otherwise, why are you here? issort of the attitude it sends,"

But everlasting love is not impossible, somesay. The LaRajas are proof that love does exist atHarvard, They advise students to get involved inextracurricular activities. Then, says Taryn, "youstart as friends, instead of basing it on looks,like at a party."

Ray adds that it's important to "allow theother person to have a separate life outside therelationship. You can create a cocoon aroundyourself, and then you've missed out."

So, despite what the Esquire articlesays, Harvard students say they are not afraid ofthe word "relationship," and are well aware thatlove is with-Crimson File PhotoTHOUGH SOME COMPLAIN THAT HARVARD STIFLESALL INTERPERSONAL CONTACT, HOOKUPS DO OCCUR.