For Once, Those Funky Hasidim Are Pretty Hip

Sideburns, In the 1950s they were rebelious and sexy--personified by James Dean and a thin pelvic-thrusting Elvis. In the 1970s they were big, ugly and decidedly mainstream, personified by the Four Men living All Together of the Brady Bunch and a fat, bloated, drugged-out Elvis. Now, like The King reappearing in an Iowa McDonald's they have come back to haunt us--maybe.

Are these large clumps of hair destined to return to earth every twenty years for eternity? Who's responsible for this travesty of fashion? Do most men really want the mutton chop look?

It all depends on who you ask.

A survey of current men's fashion and hair magazines reveals that many models are wearing long, skinny fifties style sideburns. But a survey of men walking around the streets of Cambridge reveals most men have unadorned cheeks.

According to local hairstylists, sideburns may be big in magazines, but real people are not wearing them. "If you want to say 'in' they're in." said Gerald Laurentano, owner of Harvard Square salon Jerry's Underground. "But most of the guys I talk to are into low maintenance."

"Jerry doesn't know what he's talking about," said Harvard first-year and sideburn-wearer Mike E. Farbierz. "The only real reason I wear sideburns is because I'm too lazy to shave. The only maintenance problem is when one comes out shorter that the other."

While some may wear sideburns for practical reasons today, nothing can compare to the sideburn heydays of the 1970's when mature and respected adults sported burly burns. Close examination of photos from the period reveal that Tom Brokaw, Harvard government professor Joseph Nye, and even President George Herbert Walker Bush succumbed to the trend.

While these illustrious folks may enhance the image of sideburns, it still doesn't answer one question: do sideburns look good?

Laurentano declined to discuss the actual attractiveness of sideburns. "I would ask the women. What do I know?" he said.

Okay Jerry. Harvard first-year Sora C. Yoon said, "It just depends on who's wearing them. You have to have a certain style to wear sideburns. They look good on Jason Priestley."

Ah yes, Jason Priestley.

The actor, along with his Beverly Hills 90210 co-star Luke Perry, can take most of the blame for this trend. The show insists, however, that it is not plotting to turn America's youth into a homogeneous tanned, sideburned mass.

"I've seen articles. It's a trend coming back, but 90210 is not doing it," insists L. Janine Jones, spokesperson for Beverly Hills 90210, whose boyfriend sports the hairycheeked look.