The Pros and Cons of Coming Out at Harvard

Perhaps the most difficult time of a gay person's life is when they decide to reveal their sexual orientation to friends and loved ones.

At Harvard, the coming-out experience is not an easy one, but many students who chose to come out of the closet here say they found a great deal of support and welcome from friends and counselors.

"It was uncomfortable with my roommates for awhile," says Cynthia R. Phillips '95, who came out during her first year. But the gay community "has definitely been very supportive and helpful to me."

David L. Duncan '93 decided to tell his friends that he was bisexual only during his junior year. The president of the Harvard Democrats admitted that he thought about the effect being bisexual could have on his career. Ultimately Duncan "wanted to tell [his] friends this is what I am," he says.

The worst possible situation, says Rachel E. Cohen '94, co-chair of the Bisexual, Gay and Lesbian Student Association, is to come out in isolation from other gay students who can understand the experience.

The lack of support may prevent a person from coming out, Cohen says. "The most difficult thing is to come out into an abyss, into a void," she says. "The presence of community is very important.

Other students may fear that coming out could end their social lives. "The predominant mode of parties is a heterosexual pickup scene," says Sheila C. Allen '93. "To come out is to isolate yourself from that."

Coming out can also be complicated by the student's ethnicity. BGLSA Co-Chair John A. Frazier '95 says that being Black made the process even more painful.

"One of the most difficult things for me was being a double minority," he says. "I haven't always felt there is support for gay people of color."

Royce Lin '96, who is Asian-American, says he faces some of the same difficulties Frazier does.

"A lot of times I feel I'm supposed to choose between being Asian and being gay because they seem so incompatible with each other," Lin says. "You're a minority of a minority."

Although students say that most people choose not to come out during their first year, Mike Middleton, who is the designated first-year proctor for issues of sexual orientation, says he sees a growing number of first-years are out before arriving at Harvard.

"I think it's particularly difficult for freshmen," he says, adding that he believes the new trend toward first-years already confident in their sexuality is an encouraging one.