"How Does It Feel to Be A Problem?"

"This is Harvard. All I have to do is study." I never thought that the words of Rae Dawn Chong would ever have such permanence for me. Yet, in my four years here, I have often thought of the line that she uttered in "Soul Man."

I have realized that, because this is Harvard, not only do I have to study, but I constantly have to exist in a smug environment where people think they already have all the answers.

In addition to studying, and more importantly, I have had to struggle just to be in an environment so intellectually arrogant that it has never understood what it means to be African-American and be at Harvard. More to the point, it has never comprehended what it means to be a non-bourgeois African-American (or any other ethnicity) at Harvard.

The most frustrating aspect of life at this school has been that, despite the tremendous diversity of the student body, we often fail to learn from each other. Thus, some of us are able to spend four years here and never have a serious conversation with a person of color. But that seems to be okay because we all feel good in simply discussing "interesting" cultures.

There is no need mention the hustling which scholar Cornel West describes as being a crucial part of African-American existence. One dare not broach the ugly, inelegant aspects of negritude. All the disturbing topics are brushed aside with the same nervous smile that seems to flitter about the unasked DuBoisian question, "How does it feel to be a problem?"

Despite the fact that most people will leave here with the stamp of Harvard liberalism placed squarely on their foreheads, the fact remains that they have made little if any attempt to learn about and attempt to rectify the issues that so sharply divide our nation.

Instead, I find myself being consulted about everything from rap to "black hair."

My years at Harvard have been spent not just in the library and in the classroom. Not only have I had to study, I have also had to explain what it was like to be a problem while also explaining exactly who was causing my problems.

Granted, I have had some very positive experiences during my time here. Considering my college options, I feel that I made the right decision in choosing Harvard. I've formed another family among my friends here. The overall experience, both good and bad, has been invaluable. When graduation finally arrives, my final impression of fair Harvard will be that I succeeded both because of, and in spite of, it.

John L. S. Simpkins '93 lives in Currier House and occasionally writes for The Crimson.