IS ROSS BOSS?

To put it bluntly, Ross Perot is a wishy-washy flake who should receive a Texas-sized whoopin' for an incredibly irresponsible approach to his candidacy. I must admit that, as a fellow Dallasite who despises slimy political rhetoric, Perot's potential candidacy once excited me.

Here's a guy who honestly cares about his fellow Texans. He led Texas' successful charge in the state that prohibits students from playing high school sports without decent grades. He has also chaired the state's drug commission.

As someone who drove by his corporation's headquarters on the way to school every day for 10 years, I'd say his business accomplishments are pretty impressive.

And, yes, he helped bring U.S. hostages home from Iran. If one thing is for sure, he has usually found a way to make things happen.

So, at the very least, I thought he might shake up the system in this election. I was willing to give him some serious consideration come November. But his wimpy July exit from the race squelched my sentiment faster than a tractor wheel could squash a cow pattie.

Let's forget that he still has no experience as an elected public official. And let's disregard the fact that he is shallow on a number of the key issues. After all, he reentered the race mainly to appease his fan club, salvage some pride and possibly force Bush and Clinton to be more focused.

What truly gets my goat is that this Cowboy Crusader is more of a hypocrite than he charges his opponents to be.

Sir Ross stood before this country early this summer, preaching that we must improve the moral and ethical base of our society by teaching the proper values to the younger generation. Yet this guy has treated the presidential election and the fate of the nation like a game. He deserted oodles of volunteers to whom he had made a solemn promise. And, after committing to pay his campaign workers through the November election after he dropped out, he soon reneged on that promise as well.

Now he wants to slip back in for the ninth inning because his fans miss him. Perot resembles a middle-aged father leaving his wife and four kids because he's not happy--then returning a couple months later expecting to pick up the pieces.

Thank you, Sir Ross, for demonstrating some hearty moral and ethical values to our younger generation. This champion of Texas' sweltering summer weather couldn't survive the heat of the press--and now he thinks he can come and go at his will to try to salvage some pride.

The only thing larger than Perot's ears is the empty space between them, for he will neither save face nor force the other canidates to change their platforms. Rather, Perot's reentry will do more harm than good.

The only thing Tex can really do now is skew a vote that might turn out to be a close race for George and Bill. That is, after his sinister drawl complicates the upcoming presidential debates. Welcome back to the game, Ross.