Ig Nobels Awarded at MIT

Amidst clouds of smoke, irreverent humor and vigorous audience participation, the 1992 Ig Nobel Prizes were awarded last night at MIT's Kresge Auditorium.

The pseudo-scientific Journal of Irreproducible Results awards the much-coveted Ig Nobel Prizes to people whose accomplishments "should not or could not be reproduced."

Lab-coated groupies carrying signs that read "I was a teenage lima bean" and "We need to do more research, please send money" paraded into the auditorium before a crowd of about 100 "normal" people.

A bustiered jazz harpist graced the stage for the entire performance, as did Marc Abrahams, editor of the Journal and master of ceremonies.

Also in attendance: an assortment of "experiments" clad in shiny radiation-proof suits, the King and Queen of Swedish Meatballs, and Harvard's very own Sheldon L. Glashow, Higgins professor of physics and actual recipient of the 1979 Nobel Prize for physics.

Wearing a jaunty sailor's cap and hamming it up admirably, Glashow handed out the Ig Nobel prizes to the esteemed recipients.

The "Peace Prize" went to former Los Angeles police chief Daryl F. Gates of or his "uniquely compelling method of bringing people togther." Stan Goldberg of Crimson Tech camera store accepted the prize for Gates and discussed the revolutionary importance of the video camera in today's world.

Spam sandwiches flew into the audience during the presentation of the "Nutrition Prize."

Two suspiciously similar-looking young men accepted the Biology Prize on behalf of Dr. Cecil Jacobson, "prolific patriarch of sperm banking." Jacobson stood trial this year for using his own sperm in engineering the pregnancies of some of his patients.

Even the Cambridge Center of Commerce sent a representative to present the Cambridge Chamber Pot Award and a map of Cambridge allegedly marking the location of the city's three public restrooms.

Throughout the ceremony messages and slides were flashed onstage, including one memorable shot of a woman examining a man's armpit and a quote attributed to a so-called Professor Bruno Klondhauer: "I like my soda flat, like my women." Klondhauer is credited by the Journal with inventing Kelvin, the official fragrance of the ceremony.

There was also a touch of anti-Harvard sentiment last night. Presenters riddled, "How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?" (Answer: One. He just holds it while the world revolves around him.)

Harvard's Glashow, however, was unfazed by the evening's pomp and circumstance.

"Everyone else's joy cannot be understated," Glashow said.

The Ig Nobels, presented on the first Thursday in October, have been an MIT tradition since last year.